


He Gave You the Stars, I'll Give You the Moon

by Nexus_of_human_reproduction



Series: He Gave You the Stars, I'll Give You the Moon [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2014 Castiel - Freeform, 2014 Dean Winchester - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Endverse Castiel - Freeform, Endverse Dean Winchester - Freeform, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 08:51:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 40,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1812496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nexus_of_human_reproduction/pseuds/Nexus_of_human_reproduction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the end of the world and the last place you thought you would find yourself in a love triangle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

Cleaning the blood from your hands you let out a long slow sigh. It had been a long day, hell it had been a long year. Working in the med cabin was harder than you could have imagined it would be. You knew going into it that it wasn’t going to be a cake walk, but you hadn’t thought it would take so much out of you. It was always worse emotionally than physically. You didn’t exactly have any medical experience before the apocalypse , but beggars couldn’t be choosers. You had to pitch in wherever you could and this is where you were needed. Your soft touch, caring nature and ability to keep cool under pressure were valuable assets during the chaos after a mission gone bad. You knew you couldn’t handle yourself out on the front line, you were too clumsy and you would just end up getting in the way, but you had wanted to be of real use when you arrived at the camp. You had started out on laundry duty, but you worked your way into the med cabin quickly enough, and as hard as it was you could end the day feeling like you had actually helped. However tonight had taken a real toll on you. You looked back down at the water sitting in the basin in front of you and winced. You had seen worse wounds, you had lost people before, but it had really hit home this time. You swallowed hard and tried to keep the tears from coming. You couldn’t loose your composure, at least not yet. Not in front of the people who relied on you to keep strong.

"Hey y/n." A voice from the other side of the room snapped you out of your thoughts. "Why don’t you head out and really get cleaned up…I’ve got it from here." James spoke softly, he knew that the body lying on the table had been a friend of yours. You nodded in thanks and made your way out of the cabin, taking one last look behind you as James pulled a blanket over the body and hung his head in silent prayer, even though no one would be listening. You felt a shiver travel up your spine as you left the cabin, and that’s when you lost control. You let yourself lean against the side of the building sinking to the ground and allowing yourself to weep. It was supposed to be an easy mission, but things had taken a turn for the worse and the group had gotten ambushed by a group of Croats. They said it had happened so fast. Your body shook as you let it all out. Everything you had been holding in for months now spilling over and out in streams of tears down your face. It was late at night and most of the camp would be asleep by now and you knew James and the few others helping in the med cabin tonight would be busy for awhile so you took your time.

As your eyes dried up and you choked on dry mouthed sobs you decided it was time to get it together. It was the apocalypse after all, this wasn’t the first death you had seen, and you knew it would not be the last. You pushed yourself up the wall, trying to gain footing. Your legs had started to go numb from the weight of your body resting on them. You shook out the tingling sensation and started towards your cabin. You had gotten lucky enough to not be bunked with someone, at least not yet. Which you enjoyed for the most part, while some nights did get lonely, you often preferred the time to yourself, especially after nights like this.

Entering your cabin you headed to the water that you had collected earlier in the day and grabbed a towel off the shelf on the wall. You started to undress when you heard a knock on the door. You opened your mouth, but found it dry and hard to speak. You swallowed what spit you could manage to work up, but before you could get the words out the door opened. Blue eyes landed on you and a small smile spread across a stubbeld face at the sight of you half out of your pants. You quickly pulled the jeans back up your thighs, and hips, feeling the blood soaked spots sticking to your skin and another shiver went through your body at the reminder.

“I knocked, but uh I see you were busy.” Cas’ low gravel said as he nodded towards your makeshift bath.

“Yeah I was just trying to clean up.” Your voice was rasped and strained, you must have been sobbing for longer than you realized, it had been awhile with your pent up emotions so you weren’t surprised. You looked down at yourself and cringed. Cas looked you over, this time actually taking you in, from your disheveled and blood stained clothes to your dry, cracking lips and puffy red eyes. His face sombered and he stepped into the cabin closing the door behind him, not waiting to be invited in.

“I’m sorry y/n.” His voice was low and sincere, a side of Cas you didn’t see often. You furrowed your brow slightly and shrugged, trying to play it off. You turned facing the water in front of you and dipped a corner of the towel in. You began to clean off your face, focusing the cool water on your swollen eyes, for once thankful for the lack of regularly getting to use hot water. You could feel Cas’ eyes on you, it made you shift uncomfortably from one foot to the other, which he must have picked up on as he spoke up. “I was just coming to see how it went. Dean needs a body count.”

“A body count?!” You had a hard time containing the contempt in your words, surprised by the callous ones he had chosen. “You guys do still remember they were people with loved ones and emotions right?” You turned back to face him, squaring your shoulders and tossing the towel over the edge of a chair. He was obviously shocked by your words as he took a step back towards the door. You shook your head and sighed. “Sully will be fine, just a few stitches, Mike has a broken arm, and Thomas…” You couldn’t finish the sentence without choking on your own words and dropping your eyes to the floor. Cas nodded.

“I will let him know.” He stood just inside your cabin awkwardly for a moment, before a small chuckle escaped his full lips. You looked up from the floor and raised a brow at him. He shook his head and waved it off. You eyed him Suspiciously. “There was a time when I wasn’t the suave man I am today.” He said light heartedly. “The weirdness of this just brought me back to that time for a second.” He finished with a shrug.

“I didn’t know stoned counted as suave.” You countered with a smirk. He laughed and palmed the back of his neck sheepishly. Cas’ predilection towards substance use wasn’t exactly a secret around the camp. Not that you were one to judge. You weren’t exactly a saint either. Rough times called for a little relief. The world was much different today than it used to be. It was hard to deny the few pleasures left in life. You picked the towel back up off the chair and started to clean your neck. You couldn’t believe how messy tonight had been. Watching the clear water tint with the blood of your friend made bile rise in your throat. You swallowed and continued to clean your exposed skin. Cas’ eyes traced every movement you made, focusing on where the edge of the towel grazed your skin, wiping away the blood to reveal smooth skin. He absently licked his lips and shifted on his heels. You watched his face change from his normal oddly blissful look to something different. You couldn’t quite place what it was but it made something deep inside you stir. You started to move the towel down your neck and across your collarbone, the lower v-neck cut of your shirt giving easy access. You kept your eyes on his as he followed every move. You slowly wiped the towel along the curve of the top of your breast, letting it dip into your cleavage for a moment before tracing the curve on the opposite side.

Cas cleared his throat and shifted his eyes to the side, no longer watching the towel, and avoiding eye contact. I satisfied smile spread across your face. There was no denying how attractive he was. It was always fun playing with the now lady’s man. The orgies that he hosted were something of legend around the camp, even before you had arrived a year ago. While that wasn’t exactly your scene you couldn’t deny you hadn’t thought of being with him, but that wasn’t something Cas did. There was never any one on one sessions with the guru. He was all about shared perception, and by shared he meant at least three women and himself.

“I’ve got to report back before Dean comes looking for me.” He said clearing his throat again before turning on his heels and exiting your cabin. You chuckled to yourself and went back to washing off.

——————————————-

It had been almost a week since your encounter with Cas in your cabin. Things around the camp had been calm. No missions, no preaches in camp security. Heck you were almost bored at this point. You walked the cabin grounds thinking to yourself when a voice pulled you back to earth.

“Y/n.” Cas nodded politely as he passed, the smell of marijuana and booze leaving a trail behind him.

“Cas.” You returned his oddly formal greeting and looked over your shoulder as he walked up the steps to his cabin where you could here the chatter of his usual group through the beaded door. You continued on your way trying not to pay much attention to what you knew was about to happen.

“Hey Chuck!” You called out and picked up your pace to a slow jog as you rushed to catch up with him. He always had his nose in that clipboard, you couldn’t blame him though, being in charge of the supplies and rationing were a good distraction. His head snapped up and looked around for a moment before landing on you slowing your pace as you approached. “How are we doing?” You asked, not that it was really an immediate concern to you, it was just an easy ice breaker with the former profit. The thought of him as profit brought a smile to your face, reminding you of before, when there was still hope that God might be around or that he cared.

“Well toilet paper is getting dangerously low again.” He said looking back at the clip board with a furrowed brow. “And we need-”

“Yeah that sucks.” You cut him off and smiled. He looked at you confused for a moment before realizing you didn’t really care about the state of the supplies.

“Was uh there something you guys needed in the med cabin?” He asked flipping through a couple pages, looking for the list for the med cabin.

“No.” You shook your head and laughed a little. “I was just out for a walk and thought you might need a moment away. All work and no play, or whatever.” You said with a little shrug. Chuck nodded and gave a small smile. You two had come to be pretty good friends, you had both found an almost sibling like bond with the other, and it was nice, a good reminder or what family used to be at least.

“I can walk with you for a bit.” He said with a nod and lowered the clip board to his side. You gave a satisfied smile and hooked your arm through his free one and started to walk. You really did treasure the bond you had formed with Chuck. It was nice being able to spend time with a man without any expectations, or pretense.

“Any new stories your working on?” You asked as the two of you made your way through the camp.

“No.” He sighed. You had known about his past as an author and had been trying to convince him to start writing again, but he always had some excuse about not having a muse, or muses. You nodded and dropped the subject. As the two of you walked talking about little things you noticed Dean leaning over the hood of a car looking at a map.

“New mission?” You asked hesitantly. Dean wasn’t always such an approachable guy, especially when he wore the expression he did now.

“Yeah.” His short answer came out in a quick huff.

“How bad are we talking?” You asked, knowing that you would be on the clean up crew and you wanted to prepare yourself.

“Not bad.” He looked up from the map at you, letting his eyes linger on your form a moment or two longer than they should have. You raised a brow at him and he continued. “Just a quick supply grab. Toilet paper is dangerously low you know.” He said with his signature snark as he shot Chuck a look. Chuck looked back down at his clip board, avoiding eye contact before walking off. You shook your head and scolded Dean with a shake of your index finger. He dismissed the gesture with a shrug before crossing his arms over his broad chest and leaning back against the jeep.

“So when are you gonna come pay me a visit again?” He asked, smirk plastered on his freckled face. You rolled your eyes and ran a hand through your __ colored hair. “What? Didn’t you have fun?” He asked raising a brow.

“Yeah you’re great Dean.” You nodded honestly. He really was, he was built and handsome, and God knows he knew what he was doing, but the abrupt nature of his attitude was a turn off for you. He looked at you confused, so you continued. “You’re a great lay, I’m just kind of over the whole swinger lifestyle.” You shrugged and stuffed your hands in your pockets.

“A romantic in this day and age…who would have guessed.” He laughed and turned back to his map, dismissing your with the view of his back. You sighed and walked off, you continued back to your cabin, passing Cas’ as you went. The chorus of moans echoed from his cabin, and you hummed to yourself to drown it out.

——————————————-

You lay on your bed, the mission from the day before had gone relatively well. Only a few minor injuries to deal with, but as usual you spent most of the time checking over the guys to make sure there were no warning signs for the Croatoan virus, thankfully everyone got the all clear and life returned to it’s new normal. You stared at the little plastic glow in the dark stars, that admittedly didn’t work well without the help of electricity to power them up during the day, but Dean had brought back as a joke from a mission when you first arrived. He had given them to you the day after you had paid your first visit to him. You smiled to yourself as you thought back to that night fondly.

_You knocked on his door hesitantly. You wanted to ask him about getting off laundry duty and working in the med cabin. You were sure you could be of help in there. You had seen the inside of enough emergency rooms in your day that you knew how to handle injuries under pressure. You listened carefully to the shuffling of papers, and the hard steps of boots echoing on wooden floor boards. You stepped back as the door opened and you were met with brilliantly green eyes. You swallowed your nerves._

_“I wanna work in the med cabin.” You blurted out. “I’ve helped out in there a few times, but I’m a waste to you doing laundry, you need me in the med cabin.” You straightened your posture, surprised by your own sudden confidence. He blinked at you a few times and shrugged._

_“Sure.” He said simply and crossed one leg over the other and his arms across his chest as he leaned on his door frame. You couldn’t help the grin that spread across your face, you had gotten what you wanted and it was a lot easier than you thought it was going to be. Now you stood in front of his door, playing with your hands and rocking on your heels as he eyed you. He looked you up and down before standing completely again. “Wanna come in?” He asked and turned to walk back into the main room of his cabin before you had a chance to answer. Your eyes widened in shock and you placed a step inside the doorway gingerly, as if the room was rigged to blow when you entered. By the time you were in the cabin he had already pored to glasses of whiskey and turned towards you with one glass extended towards you. “Shut the door.” He said before taking a swig from his glass. You did as you were told and walked towards him. You grabbed the drink from his hand and made the mistake of smelling it first. The whiskey burned at the hairs in your nose and you scrunched your face. “Not to your liking?” He teased as he finished his._

_“No no It’s not that!” You replied quickly, afraid you had offended him. “It’s just been a long time.” He nodded knowingly while eyeing your body._

_“I know what you mean.” His tongue ran across his bottom lip as his eyes lingered on your chest. You followed his gaze and tipped your head back with the drink to your lips, figuring the quicker you drank it the quicker it was over with. The whiskey filled your mouth and you soon realized it was a mistake to try and drink it all in one gulp. The fiery liquid burned down your throat and made you cough hard, which only caused Dean to laugh and pat your shoulder. “You okay?” He said between laughs._

_“Yeah, just burning alive from the inside out is all.” You joked and cleared your throat leaning around where he was leaning against the table so you could set down the glass. As you tilted your body around his he moved his hand from your shoulder to cup the side of your neck and rub his thumb along your jaw. The laughter had stopped as quickly as his hand had moved. You stiffened under his touch and looked up at him perplexed. You searched his face, weary of being the first to speak, and found a hunger in his eyes that heated your insides more than the whiskey had. You relaxed your body and leaned forward towards him. His grip shifted to the back of your neck and brought your lips against his hard. As your lips crashed into his you lifted yourself on the balls of your feet to lean into him easier. You rested your hands on his chest and he brought his free hand from the edge of the table to circle your waste and pull your body impossibly close to his. You let out a surprised yelp as your body pressed into his and he smirked into the kiss. You closed your eyes and got lost in his embrace. Feeling his hand move from your hip to your ass and give a firm squeeze. A moan escaped your lips as you rocked into his hips and nipped at his bottom lip. In one swift motion he had picked you up, both of his hand gripping your ass through the denim of your jeans and turned your bodies so you were now sitting on the table. He pulled back from the kiss, emerald eyes searching your face briefly before placing rough needy kisses down your neck. You tilted your head to the side giving him better access to the sensitive flesh and ran your hands up his back and into his hair. You tangled your fingers in his short hair and pushed his face into your neck as your chest rose and back arched. He moaned against your flesh and thrust his hips forward. A shiver ran up your spine feeling his hardening length press into your thigh. You rubbed your kneed against his thigh, causing him to thrust against your leg once more. He bit down on the tender section of skin just under your ear before pulling away and tugging his shirt over his head, exposing his toned torso. You sat back for a moment reveling in the hard muscles that made up the man in front of you._

_“Shirt. Off. Now.” His voice was low and hands gripped your hips pulling you to the edge of the table. You struggled to keep balance as you pulled your own shirt over your head. He let out a satisfied groan as he buried his face between your bra clad breasts. He nipped at your skin causing a moan to rise from you and arch into him, gripping his shoulders. Dean tore at your bra, not bothering to take care with the fabric you heard the tear of the back of the garment as he yanked at it. You swatted at his shoulder and gave him a scolding look, which he met with a smirk before tossing the bra aside and latching himself onto your skin. You bit your lip as you looked down at him, watching him lick, suck and nip at your skin. Your head was swimming, you didn’t have time to think about what you were doing, and you weren’t sure if you cared. The feeling of his hot mouth against you was starting to be too much as you squirmed under his touch. One hand enveloped the opposite breast as the other held your hips against the table. He leaned himself over you, causing you to lay back on the table. You complied and continued to chew your bottom lip. He ran his hand from your chin, down your neck, over your sternum and stomach to the top of your jeans. He paused for a moment to place sloppy kisses along the hem of your jeans before tugging them off and letting them pool on the floor. You lifted yourself onto you elbows and watched as he took in the full site of your almost nude form. A low guttural growl slipped passed his swollen lips as he ran a finger over the wetness that formed on your panties._

_“So fucking wet.” He marveled to himself before looking up at you._

_“I need you inside of me.” You mewed and rocked your hips forward. Dean smirked and freed himself of his jeans and boxers before tugging off the last bit of fabric covering your body. He ran his finger along the length of your folds before dipping it inside of you. You let out a moan and thrust your hips into his hand. You closed your eyes, letting the feeling of his hand working you take over, he slipped another finger inside as his thumb rubbed against your clit._

_“Please…Dean…fuck me.” You moaned out, aching to feel him inside of you. He removed his hand and gripped his length, lining it up with your entrance. He leaned forward and captured your lips in a needy kiss before plunging inside of you. You bucked your hips in surprise and let out a loud moan of his name at the feeling of him filling you to the brim. He didn’t give you much time to adjust to his size before starting a steady rhythm. He rocked his hips back and forth, pulling out almost completely before slamming back into you. Your hands gripped his shoulders trying to steady yourself. You were completely lost between the feeling building inside your core, the grunts and groans escaping Dean’s lips, your own moans and the loud creaking of the table he was fucking you on._

_He continued the fast and hard pace until you wrapped your legs around his hips and pulled him in even deeper. Causing him to let out a loud moan as his head fell back. His thrusts began to get harder and sloppier, you could feel your own climax build with his, the table sounding as if it was going to break at any moment. Dean growled against the side of your neck and bit down, not hard enough to break the skin, but you knew there would be a mark tomorrow. Thats when you lost complete control the waves of your climax crashing over your body, causing your pussy to tighten around his cock. He gave a few more urgent thrust before releasing inside of you, his head falling to your shoulder. You both stayed in that position panting and catching your breath until he lifted himself from you, took a few steps back and looked you over once more, a satisfied smile across his face._

_You sat up, cleared your dry throat and stepped down to the ground on wobbly legs. Now the awkwardness in you started to take over. You started to collect your clothing and redress as he stood, watching you in his unabashed naked glory, which somehow only made it all the weider._

_“So uh.” He started, obviously trying to chose his words carefully._

_“Yeah.” You cut him off and pulled your shirt back into place, ripped bra in hand and you finally looked up to meet his gorgeous green eyes. “I’ll report to the med cabin first thing in the morning and let James know I will be joining them from now on.” You took a few steps towards the door. He stood looking at you in disbelief before straightening his posture into a more authoritative pose. Seeing him standing in such a formal commanding way in the buff made a small laugh rise from your gut._

_“Right.” He said trying to ignore the laugh._

_“See you around Dean.” You slipped out of his cabin and hurried to your own._

——————————————-

You were in the mess hall, poking at the food in front of you when you saw Cas walk in through the door, the usual blissed out look on his face, causing a smile to spread across your own. It had been more awkward than normal between you and Cas since that night and you decided to put an end to it.

“Hey Cas!” You called out to him, waving him over. He looked around, finding the source of the voice and the slightest smile turned up at the edge of his lips as he walked over. You looked him over quickly, bare feet, soft cotton pants, half unbuttoned up shift, stubble, stunning blue eyes and messed brown locks, he definitely was different than most of the men in the camp. You gave him a big grin as he sat at the spot across from you.

“Good morning.” It was barely noon and he was already in a haze, although you were pretty sure that was a perpetual state he preferred to be in. You returned the greeting and scooted the food you had in front of you over to him. He smiled and began to pick at the food.

“So I was wondering if you had a free moment today if we could talk.” You chose your words carefully. You knew that this could take a turn for the awkward at any moment with him. Cas’ reputation around the camp wasn’t exactly that of a saint, although neither was yours. You’re triste with Dean had been the talk of the camp more than once, people always speculating the nature behind your visits, and seeing the marks on your neck the next day it all became pretty obvious. There were many girls in the camp that shared the same relationship with him, but what you think confused people most was the fact you didn’t follow him around like a lost puppy.

“Sure thing.” He nodded and popped some food in his mouth. “I’ve got a session later in the afternoon why don’t you stop by then.” He grinned. You watched his face, there was something really predatory behind the mask of the dazed and confused hippy he liked to wear. You shook your head.

“Yeah that’s not what I meant.” You laughed shaking your head.

“I know it’s not an issue of sharing.” He paused and nodded his head towards Dean. You gave a roll of your eyes in response. “So why are you so closed off to the idea of sharing a beautiful experience with others?” He questioned pushing the food aside and clasping his hands together, resting them on the table and leaning forward on his elbows, watching you intently.

“Yeah sharing after the fact is one thing…I don’t exactly…play well with others.” You shrugged and crossed your arms over your chest, leaning back, trying to put a little distance between the two of you. The way he was watching you was making your stomach flutter and your knees feel weak. You didn’t know what it was about him, but he did something to you on a very primal level and it made you uneasy. You felt like you could easily dive head first into love with a man like this, and that was just something that wasn’t an option in this world anymore, especially with the man sitting across from you. He shrugged and stood up.

“Well you know where to find me.” He gave a wink and brushed the back of his hand across your cheek, tucking a lock of stray hair behind your ear before walking off. You tried to hide the blush creeping across your face but it was a futile effort. You sucked in a ragged breath and stood, picking up your plate, and depositing it with the other dirty dishes before leaving the large cabin mess hall.

——————————————-

“Y/n.” Dean’s voice came from behind you. You jumped and swung around, cursing under your breath. You had thought you were alone, and hadn’t heard him entering the med cabin. You were busy checking through supplies, making a list of what was out, running low, or generally needed. You set the clipboard down on the table.

“What’s up?” You asked leaning back against the table.

“Just had a free moment and thought maybe…” He didn’t bother his statement and just ran his hand teasingly up your side. You melted into his touch, it was rare that he showed a softer side, most of the time you two were in such a rush, usually after a failed or really dangerous mission. You reveled in the tender side he was letting peak through and bit your bottom lip, eyeing the door. “I told James that I had to talk to you, he wont be coming back for awhile.” He assured you and leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours. You leaned up into his touch and let your hands fall to his chest, gripping at the fabric of his shirt and keeping him pressed against yourself. He smirked into the kiss. He broke the kiss and looked down at you for a long moment before speaking. “I was a worried you had gotten over me.” He teased playfully. You rolled your eyes and pushed him back slightly.

“I said the lifestyle was getting old, not that I was totally done with it.” You turned back to the clipboard and pretended to act uninterested in the man standing in front of you. He pulled you back against him and kissed you hard. You melted into him once again and lost yourself in the kiss, tongues dancing back and forth, neither one fighting for domination, but just enjoying the caress of the other. You hadn’t heard the door opening again, but Dean must have because he stepped back quickly and assumed his usual stoic demeanor. You huffed and turned to look at who had walked into the cabin. Your eyes fell on big blue oceans and your heart skipped a beat and sank to your stomach at the same time. There was a look in Cas’ eyes that made you shift your weight on your feet and turn a bright red shade.

“Can I help you?” Dean asked abruptly, relaxing a bit seeing his old friend.

“Actually I wanted to see y/n.” Cas looked at Dean and as he spoke he squared off his shoulders, and stood up straighter. Was it your imagination or was he puffing up his chest? You looked between Cas and Dean as they stared each other down. A look of confusion knotted your face and you stepped to the other side of the cabin, getting out of the middle of the two of them.

“Come find me later.” Dean’s words were directed at you but he didn’t break eye contact with Cas. You nodded slightly and watched Dean walk out of the cabin.

“Well that was weird.” You observed and turned towards Cas who still seemed puffed up. His hand was clinched in what looked almost like a fist, he was still looking at the door Dean had just walked out of. You took a step towards him, which snapped him out of the trance he was in and he softened. He gave you a weak smile and relaxed his posture, which made you more at ease. “What did you need Cas?” You asked in a soft tone.

“You had said you wanted to talk. I’ve got some time before the ladies show up at my cabin and thought you might want to join me for a chat.” He offered you his arm to take so he could lead you back to his cabin. You chuckled and hooked your arm around his, letting him lead the way. You couldn’t help but pick up on his scent from how close you two were. There was the usual pot and booze, but there was something else underneath. It reminded you of the air after a thunderstorm, somehow sweet and electric at the same time. You let it waft through you and leaned your head on his shoulder as you walked. You had never really been afraid of showing affection, you regularly hugged and cuddled up on your friends. The physical closeness to another human being was one of the few good things left for you and you didn’t want to waste any chances.

He held the beads aside for you to enter his cabin and you could smell the smoke coming from the incense he was currently letting burn out all around the room. You had never actually been in his cabin before, it looked a lot like you had imagined it. There was a braided rug in the center and what looked like a large bean bag chair off to the side, books were scattered across the room, along with different statues of deities. You knew he wasn’t religious as much as he was spiritual, but something about the odd mess of gods made you question why he had gone in this direction. You didn’t know much about Cas really, mostly just what you had heard around the camp. He watched you look over every inch of his room as he walked towards the back and disappeared behind another think beaded current. You stood waiting for him to come back, hands stuffed in your pockets as you rocked back and forth on your heels.

You watched a puff of smoke enter the room followed by Cas holding a glass pipe. You shook your head and laughed a bit. He shrugged and took another long drag from the pipe, letting the smoke sit in his longs for a moment before exhaling slowly, blowing rings with the smoke. He watched them rise and dissipate into the air before stepping towards you and out stretching his hand with the pipe in it. You eyed it and him for a moment before giving a shrug and bringing it to your own lips, inhaling lightly and slowly. You coughed a bit as the air came sputtering back out of your lungs. He chuckled to himself and took the pipe out of your hand as you regained your breath and composure. The smell was pungent and it enveloped you completely, he was already handing the pipe back to you by the time you had completely stopped coughing. You took it with less hesitation this time and took a slower drag, letting the smoke ease into your lungs and letting it out again after handing the pipe back. The two of you took turns, him playing with the smoke and you trying not to cough too hard. You found your way to the large bean bag chair and let your body fall into it. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion around you, you watched Cas return the pipe back behind the beaded doorway and come back with that usual blissful grin on his face. You were sure you were wearing a matching grin.

“Thanks…I needed this.” You said with a heavy sigh. He nodded in understanding and flopped himself on the space next to you. You could feel an odd tingle course through your leg where his grazed yours. You shivered and pressed your knee gently into the outside of his thigh. He smiled and turned towards you, resting his head on his hand and propping himself up with his elbow. You did the same and mirrored his body. It seemed only natural.

“Watch this.” He said as he slowly inched his hand towards you and traced a line from the outside of your knee, over your hip, your side and to your rib cage before following the same path back down. It felt like electricity ran through your side and you looked at him in awe. He laughed at the looked on your face, causing you to blush. He hooked his fingers under your chin to keep you from looking away from his face. “Beautiful human.” He muttered under his breath, it seemed as if he was speaking more to himself than he was to you. You raised a brow at his odd choice of words and he just shook his head. You chewed on your bottom lip for a moment and his eyes fell to watch your teeth work over the plump mounds. He licked his own lips before dipping his head forward. There was only centimeters between your faces. You could feel his hot breath skim across you and yours hitched in your chest in response. There was something so sweet, and delicate, and tender about what was happening that had totally taken you by surprise. He cupped the side of your face gently and inched closer at an excruciatingly slow pace. You held your breath in anticipation and when his lips finally landed on yours you couldn’t help the moan that slipped out of your lips. You scooted yourself closer and pressed your body to his.

His hand traveled from your face down your arm to rest on your hip as he pressed you to him. You felt like you were completely melting into him as he slowly and tenderly kissed your lips, tongue running across your bottom lip requesting entrance. You parted your lips and allowed him to explore. This was such a polar opposite to what you were used to that it sent you reeling off into what felt like a dream. The marijuana in your system only intensifying every caress and every inch of you felt like it was vibrating slowly to match the rhythm coming from him. The two of you continued the gentle kiss, slowly exploring the others body with your hands, until he leaned you back and shifted so he was perched over you. He looked down at you searching your face, you gave a small nod, urging him on as his hands played with the hem of your shift. He gently pulled your shirt over your head and gingerly placed it on the ground next to the two of you. His finger tips ghosted over the skin on your ribs as he mumbled under his breath. You weren’t sure what he was saying, you couldn’t recognize the langue, but you didn’t dwell on it long before his lips started to place gentle kisses on your skin, starting at your collar bone, working across then down and continuing the trail until he reached the fabric of your bra. You let out a small whimper in protest as his lips left your skin, a smile spread across his face.

“You really are a gorgeous soul.” You raised a brow but couldn’t help but smile at the sweetest compliment you had gotten since the apocalypse.

“And you’re a hippy.” You teased and ran your hand through his mussed hair. He smiled and chuckled lowly.

“I wish I could have known you before the virus spread.” He lowered his head, no longer making eye contact with you. “If you could have seen the man I used to be….” He cut himself off and looked back up at you. “You make me feel like maybe I could be that man again…at least somewhat.” He seemed to be thinking more to himself. You laid beneath him, running a hand through his hair and the other up and down his bicep slowly, letting him speak. “There’s things about me that we should discuss sometime.” He finished talking and started to slip the strap of your bra down your shoulder as he placed kisses on the newly exposed skin. You arched into him and tightened your grip on the hair at the nape of his neck, not pulling, just holding him to yourself. You felt his hand slip underneath you and gently undo the clasp of your bra before leaning back looking for permission in your eyes to remove the cloth. You smiled and sat up a bit, making it easier to slip off. He licked his lips and admired your breasts before gently placing kisses all over your torso. You continued to play with his hair as he worshiped your body. It was such a euphoric experience, but it was all starting to be too much. You needed more. You rocked your hips up into his, eliciting a groan from the back of his throat as you rocked against his growing length. The cotton pants make it hard to hide his excitement. You let your eyes travel south and admired the large protrusion. He watched your gaze and smiled at your reaction. He lifted himself up and removed his shirt at you shimmied out of your jeans. He started to remove his pants, slowly, letting you get an eye full of the length springing free. You bit your lip and felt your hips convulse involuntarily. He chuckled slightly and hooked his fingers in the waste band of your panties and slowly pulled them down your thighs.

He took his time admiring your body as he placed kisses down your stomach, stopping and switching to kiss up one of your thighs then the other. Your legs spread wide at his gentle guidance. He looked up at you through his lashes and licked his lips. You squirmed in anticipation and ran a hand through his hair again. He dipped his head down, keeping his eyes locked on yours as his tongue flicked out and traced a line up your folds. You bucked your hips into his face and let out a moan. You weren’t concerned with how loud you were being, or who could hear you, you were too lost in the feeling of his mouth on your hot core. He teased your clit with the tip of his tongue before adding more pressure and tracing a line down to your opening, he circled it a few times before plunging his tongue deep inside of you, burying his face between your legs. You fought the urge to clamp your thighs around him and buck against him. You let your head fall back and continued to work your hands through his hair and rock your hips in rhythm with his tongue, you could feel the heat inside of you build and you moaned his name. His thumb came up to work at your clit and you lost yourself. You couldn’t hold back anymore and your legs tightened and your grip in his hair got stronger as you worked yourself against his face, riding out your orgasm. When you were left shaking beneath him he lifted himself with a smile across his glistening face and swiped your juices away with the back of his hand before leaning up to kiss you deeply. He slowly moved so his length was gently pressing at your entrance, you spread your legs wider for him to make more room for him to enter you. He waited a moment, hesitating, you looked him over and noticed his face looked almost pained. You opened your mouth to speak, but his finger came up to rest against your lips as he hushed you quietly. He looked down and into your eyes, as if he was looking right through you and into your soul.

He slowly pressed into you and paused once he was buried completely inside of you, allowing you to adjust. You moaned and wriggled underneath him and he took the cue and started a slow and firm pace. He tilted his hips into you, causing his pelvic bone to rub against your clit and the head of his cock to hit your gspot. You moaned out loudly, digging your fingers into his shoulders and wrapping your legs around his waist. You started to rock your hips to meet his pace. He panted and groaned into your neck between gentle kisses as his hands gripped your hips, starting to bring you into him harder. You were a quivering mess underneath him. Every inch of your body tightened and released, feeling like quick muscle spasms. You had never felt so completely full and enveloped by another soul before. He licked and sucked on a space just below your ear and that was all it took for you to loose control again. Bucking wildly against him as your legs wrapped further around him, pulling him completely into you and your tight walls clamped around his cock. Causing him to spill his seed inside of you. The feeling of your joined climaxes increased the connection you felt with him. You were both spasming and moaning each others names as you let the waves of pleasure wash over you both. Your bodies slowly relaxed and breathing returned to normal. He lifted his head from where it had been nestled in the crook of your neck and ran a hand down the side of your face, moving to cup your neck and pull you into a tender kiss.

You were lost in his lips when you heard the clearing of a throat from the doorway, you both jumped and turned to look at who was now in the cabin. One of the girls from his usual session stood, looking at the two of you in awe. You felt mortified, realization of what had just happened washing over you, only intensifying in horror at the thought of an audience you quickly tried to free yourself from underneath his weight and pull your clothes on to run away, but he held you firmly in his hands, gently gripping your hips, making sure to shield your body from prying eyes.

“No session today Tammy. Tell the others.” He said simply and nodded for her to leave. Your eyes slowly traveled from the now retreating form in the doorway back to Cas who smiled at you sheepishly before placing a tender kiss to your lips.


	2. Part II

You weren’t sure what to do now as you lay underneath Cas, still naked and slick with sweat. You shifted and he raised himself and sat back on the bean bag chair. You sat up and sighed letting the buzz wear off. Your muscles felt weak and your head was spinning from what had just happened. You stole a glance in Cas’ direction. He was laid back hands behind his head, eyes closed and a smile on his face. You wished you could be as comfortable as he seemed to be with what had just happened, and if it had been anyone else you would have been, but it wasn’t anyone else it was Cas and that changed everything. You reached for your clothes and froze when Cas’ hand gently gripped your wrist.

 

“Where are you going?” He asked, a slight edge to his tone, but kept his eyes closed. You slipped your hand out of his grip and cleared your throat.

 

“I gotta get back to the med cabin...we were doing inventory...and-” You had grabbed for your clothes and stood starting to redress.

 

“Yeah okay.” He cut you off sitting up and running a hand through his hair, he was looking everywhere but at you. It made your heart sink. You didn’t know what you were supposed to do in this situation but you were pretty sure that what you were doing wasn’t it. You redressed, adjusting your clothes and running your hands through your hair, combing it into it’s normal state. “It’s probably best anyways. I’m gonna have a mess to clean up here with the girls anyways. Don’t want them losing faith.” His words hit you like a ton of bricks. His tone was harsh and his body language was so dismissive to you. You paused for a moment looking him over as he stretched and rolled his shoulders before grabbing his clothes and walking to the back of his cabin without another word. You watched the beads dance back into place from where he had just walked through. Your stomach was in your throat and your eyes started to sting.

 

\---------------------------------------

 

“Get James!” You heard a voice call from outside of your cabin. You rushed to your door and watched the chaos from your porch. The mission must have gone badly. You did a quick headcount and noticed a few missing from the ranks. There were men helping support half dead companions towards the med cabin. You rushed into the middle of the mess and started to direct people on where to go in the cabin as someone ran to get James. You took in a deep breath and collected yourself, you had work to do and they needed you. This is why you were such an asset to the camp, while most were running around panicked you spoke in a firm but calm tone and took charge of the situation. You stopped one of the men to ask what had happened.

 

“We went into a hot zone, and we got attacked." He raked his fingers through his hair frantically before speaking. “We lost Bob, Frank and Martinez in the shuffle...we left them...we left them.” He slumped and continued to repeat his own words. You placed your hand on his shoulder and gave a light squeeze.

 

“Go on in. We will get you looked over.” He nodded and followed your directions. A shudder passed through your body looking at the chaos. It had been a big mission. Dean was leading the charge with Cas at his side, they had taken about eight men with them. Cas and Dean. You had almost forgot. You searched the crowd for their faces. When you didn’t see either of them you panicked. You were losing your cool. You rushed past people trying to find them. The sting in your eyes was almost too much, you could feel the tears welling up and you didn’t know if you could hold it back. You felt a hand on your shoulder and you spun around. The tears broke free and streamed down your face when you looked up to see Dean standing behind you. Blood on his face and a cold look in his eyes. You flung yourself forward and wrapped your arms around him. A gust of air rushed from his lungs as you slammed into him. He wrapped his arms around you in return and placed a surprisingly gentle kiss on the top of your head as you cried against his chest.

 

“I was so scared...I didn’t see you or Cas...Cas where is he?” You quickly pushed yourself back out of his grip and looked around.

 

“He’s fine. He is helping unload the trucks.” Dean’s demeanor changed the moment you mentioned Cas. He was cold again. “I have to help. I just wanted to make sure you guys had everything under control here.” He turned on his feels and left.

 

\--------------------------

 

You approached Cas’ cabin and stopped. You stared at the beaded door, hesitant to go any further. You hadn’t spoken to him since you had made love in his cabin. You mentally scoffed at yourself at the thought. You weren’t really the make love kind of girl, but that was the only way you could describe what had happened. It was so tender and intimate. A shiver ran down your spine remembering it. You could almost feel his hands on your hips, and his lips on your neck. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have decided to drink before doing this...or did I decide to do this after I drank?’ You thought to yourself. Luckily it was late at night and no one was around to see you standing in front of Cas’ cabin like a stalker. You sighed, stealing your nerves and walked up the steps. You knocked quietly on the frame where a door used to be.

 

“Busy.” Cas’ voice came from the center of the cabin. You could hear him cough a bit and you knocked again, a little louder this time. You could hear him shuffle and head towards the door “What?!” He snapped as he poked his head out through the beads. His face softened briefly at the sight of you before he stepped out of the cabin and crossed his arms over his chest.

 

“I uh.” You hadn’t thought this far ahead. What you were gonna say was unfortunately not part of your planning. He cocked a brow at you and shook his head before retreating into his cabin again. You followed him inside and the smell of incense and weed hit you hard, mixing with your booze fogged mind and making you feel dizzy. You must have looked as dizzy as you felt because he reached out to help steady you and led you over to the bean bag chair. You sank into it, running your fingers over the fuzzy fabric and sighed, remembering the last time you were in the chair. He watched you, arms crossed over his chest again.

 

“Was there something you wanted?” The harsh tone set you back a bit and you shook your head no. “So why are you here...and drunk?” He asked adding a soft chuckle at the end. He had never seen you drunk before, and you were sure it wasn’t going to help your case.

 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about the mission earlier...” You started, slowly, fighting your haze to come up with the words. “When I didn’t see you and Dean.” He bristled as you spoke Dean’s name. “I thought...I don’t know what I thought...but I couldn’t handle it...I was so scared.” You admitted almost under your breath. He let out a sigh and sat on the floor in front of you.

 

“Well we’re fine.” His tone was softening which made you smile.

 

“And I’m so glad. Cas I don’t know what that was the other night but-” You spoke while watching your hand play with the fabric of the chair.

 

“Don’t.” He spoke softly and you could hear a tinge of pain behind the word.

 

“But.” You tried to protest as you looked up at him.

 

“There’s a reason I don’t do one on one.” He started. “Oddly enough it’s a lot more complicated than the orgies.” He laughed a bit, which made you frown. He sighed. “Look...” He stood again. “You’re a great girl, but I’m afraid maybe you got the wrong impression of what this is.” He motioned between you and himself with his hand. “You’re beautiful, and smart, and funny, and strong...” He trailed off, shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. You looked up at him crushed, it didn’t matter what he was saying, because he was rejecting you. You curled your knees up to your chest and rested your chin on your folded arms. He turned and walked to the center of the room. “Maybe we should pick this conversation up another time.” He said and sat back down on the rug, picking up the pipe and taking a long hit. You sat watching him for a moment before shaking your head.

 

“Yeah no. I think now is fine. If we’re gonna talk then why not now?” You sat up straight, your body language matching your tone. You were starting to feel the liquid courage setting in. You felt like there was some bad blood between you and Cas and you wanted it sorted out. You watched him as he closed his eyes, tilted his head back and let out a puff of smoke. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed.

 

“Because you’re drunk.” He looked at you with a steady gaze and even tone to his voice.

 

“Your point is?” You sat up even straighter, trying to seem confident in your words. “You’re almost always drunk. So are we just never supposed to talk?” You didn’t mean for the words falling from your lips to be harsh, but by the look of hurt on his face you could tell they were. “I didn’t mean it like that.” You lowered your voice.

 

“It’s fine.” He shrugged. “Hell it’s true.” He chuckled. “There are things about me that I can’t talk about...” He paused and looked away from you. “Things about who I used to be that I don’t think you would understand...not now anyways.” His blue eyes shifted back to meet your gaze. “I would like to discuss all this another time.” He asked, something in his tone and on his face made you nod your head in agreement. “You can stay if you wish though.” He offered and stretched his hand out towards you. You looked at the glass pipe in his hand and shook your head no. You didn’t really think adding that into the mix was the best idea right now. He shrugged and continued to smoke. “So you thought I’d bit it huh?” He asked and laughed to himself. Your eyes widened a bit.

 

“Why is it funny? I was really scared...” You admitted and furrowed your brow, bringing your knees back up to your chest and resting your chin back on your arms. He just shrugged. “I’m normally totally calm in those situations...I’ve seen my share of gore and death...but the idea of you or Dean dying...that I couldn’t handle. I lost it and started crying and then luckily Dean found me and told me you were alright as well.” His posture stiffened as you spoke. You raised a brow at him. You were starting to think he had a problem with Dean, or maybe it was just with you and Dean. It wouldn’t be fair for him to be upset about whatever happened between you and Dean. Not only were the two of you not an item, but Cas had orgies regularly. Of course he did see one on one sex as a totally different thing, which was a bit of a mess in itself. Why was he so open to sharing himself with many, but seemed scared of sharing himself with just one.

 

“He hadn’t mentioned running into you.” He said almost to himself. The look on his face was a mix of emotions and you couldn’t help but pry.

 

“Okay what is the deal with you two?” You asked. “I know you guys go way back, but lately it seems like there is this distance between you guys and you act weird whenever the other is around or even if the other gets mentioned.” You asked settling back into the bean bag chair, letting your body slip into the comfort of the warn in chair. He gave another chuckle and a grin.

 

“We have no issues with each other really.” He started and took another long drag from the pipe before continuing. “We are fine with each other when you’re not around...our issue isn’t with each other...it’s with you.” He shrugged. You weren’t sure how to take that. You didn’t want to feel like you were coming between them, but it was totally ridiculous for them to act like that because of you.

 

“Excuse me?” You cocked a brow. “How is it my fault?” You stopped yourself, you knew what their issue was about you and the other, but it wasn’t fair. “None of us are exactly monogamous.” You laughed a bit. “Why is it any different if I sleep with you both...I’m sure I’m not the first.” You looked at Cas, watching his expression. It was always hard to tell what he was really feeling behind the mask he wore. The more you got to know Cas and the more you saw the fake grins, and false chuckles the more it hurt you. There was something inside of him that was really hurting him. You had no idea what it was, but he seemed to be the most affected by the end of the world. Everyone was a different person now than they were then, but he seemed almost like a completely different being. He acted as if he didn’t belong in his own body most of the time, and the self medicating could get really out of hand. You couldn’t count on one hand how many times James was sent to make sure he hadn’t overdosed or drank himself to death in his cabin.

 

“I’m not sure why it’s different.” His honest answer snapped you out of your thoughts. “This is why I stick to my groups.” He laughed, but it was an empty laugh that made that shiver run through you. The two of you fell into silence. It was somewhere between comfortable and awkward. You sat watching him as he loaded the pipe with more and started to smoke. The way the smoke rolled out of his perfect lips and then disappeared in the air was somehow hypnotic. You weren’t sure if it was watching him or the booze in your system or the combination, but you felt yourself slipping off to sleep as you curled up in the chair. You knew you should have left and gone back to your own cabin, but you felt safe here, and that was a feeling you weren’t going to waste.

 

\-----------------------

 

You woke up in the bean bag chair in Cas’ cabin, there was a blanket over you and you noticed your shoes sitting by the door. You were pretty sure you hadn’t bothered taking them off when you came in. You sat up and a sharp pain hit your head. No doubt the first wave of a hangover washing over you. You let out a sigh and rubbed your forehead. You looked around but Cas was no where to be seen, where he was sitting last night had been cleaned up. You got up, put on your shoes and left the cabin.

 

You headed towards the med cabin to grab something to help with the pounding in your head. The sun outside seemed to be burning your eyes, and the noise was hitting your ears in painful lulls. You sighed as you entered the cabin.

 

“Hey James I just need some aspirin.” You said as you walked towards where the meds were stored. He nodded, not looking up from his book. He never really was much of a talker. Her opened the bottle and collected a few aspirin in your hand before heading out and to your own cabin.

 

You walked quickly, not wanting to run into anyone, talking seemed too painful at the moment, plus you needed some time to yourself to think. You didn’t know what to do about the mess you had caused between you and Cas. As much as he tried to hide it, you knew that you had hurt him and that made you feel sick. You entered your cabin and found a bottle of water before placing the pills on your tongue and swallowing them back with a gulp from the bottle. You laid back on your bed and felt something poking into your back, you shifted and reached under yourself and found a small bottle with a few pills in it. You looked at it closely and noticed a note stuffed inside with the pills. You opened the bottle and took out the note.

 

Cas’ handwriting was scrawled across the note reading, ‘I thought this might help your head.’ You dumped the pills into your hand and studied them for a moment, trying to figure out what they were when you placed it you shook your head and rolled your eyes. Cas’ had left you something quite a bit stronger than the aspirin. You let the pills fall from your hand and back into the bottle before curling up and going back to sleep.

 

\----------------------------

 

You ran a hand through your ___ (color) hair, before stretching your arms over your head and bending from side to side. It had been a really long day in the med cabin and you were glad it was over. You left the med cabin, locking the door behind you, there had been a few people helping themselves to the medical supplies, especially the alcohol used to sanitize wounds, and the pain pills, so the lock was an added precaution. You started the short walk towards your cabin, feet dragging and shoulders slumped. You were beat and all you wanted to do was lay down and go to sleep.

 

“Y/N!” You turned to see Dean walking towards you. His legs taking long strong strides. He looked like he was on a mission, his hands were clenched at his sides and he wore a determined expression. You raised a brow and waited for him to reach you.

 

“Yeah?” You asked as he approached. He stopped in front of you and looked down slightly to meet your gaze. It wasn’t often that Dean sought you out, but lately it had been happening more and more.

 

“We need to talk.” His words more a demand than a request. You took in his body language, and knew telling him no wouldn’t be wise. You shrugged and gave a little nod. He turned and started to walk back towards his cabin. You sighed and followed behind him. You were tired and this was not exactly what you had planned for the night. You walked, feet continuing to drag as you went. Dean stole a few glances over his shoulder, making sure you were still following. When you reached his cabin he held the door open for you and you walked in. You walked to the table and took a seat at one of the chairs. Normally you didn’t make yourself so at home in his cabin, but you were worn out and didn’t care.

 

“What do we need to talk about?” You asked crossing your arms over your chest, bringing a hand up to cover your mouth as you let out a yawn. He pulled a chair from beside the table and placed it in front of yours, and took a seat.

 

“Where were you last night?” He sat watching you closely. “I went to your cabin and you weren’t there.” He elaborated, noticing the look of confusion on your face. You shook your head and let out a little laugh.  His eyes darkened and you stopped laughing. You hadn’t seen this side of Dean and you didn’t know what to make of it. You shifted in your seat and chose your words carefully.

 

“I don’t really see how that’s any of your business.” You watched him carefully. He let out a laugh and shook his head. Taken aback by his reaction you waited for him to speak. An awkward silence fell between the two of you and it made your skin crawl. There was something about the way he was looking at you that made you suddenly feel really vulnerable.

 

“So you were with Cas.” He nodded to himself and looked away. His demeanor changed and he seemed deflated. The whole situation was just getting weirder and weirder by the minute. You didn’t speak, just staring at your hands, fiddling with your nails nervously. You could feel his eyes on you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to return the gaze. “How was he?” He asked, his voice a mixture of challenging and almost hurt. You didn’t want to answer. How could you tell him how amazing Cas made you feel, how soft and caring he was with you. How different it was from being with him. Dean stood and took a step towards you, placing a hand under your chin and lifting your face to look at him. You let your eyes fall on the freckles scattering his cheeks and nose. You couldn’t look him in the eyes, but you didn’t know why. You didn’t feel like what you had done was wrong, but the way Dean was acting made you question it.

 

“I can’t go letting you forget all about me.” He said, voice low, and face moving closer towards yours. He paused and watched your face, watched your lips part slightly and your chest rise with an intake of breath, before crashing his lips onto yours. You hesitated for a moment before returning his kiss. Tongues clashed and hands roamed. You ran your hands up his back as he leaned over you. “Stand.” His words against your lips caused a shiver to run down your spine and you did as he said. He pulled you against him, he was holding you tight against his body as he moved, placing sloppy kisses down your neck. You moaned and arched into him more. He smirked, before starting to nip and suck at a the skin on the middle of your neck. You knew he was marking you, but at the moment you didn’t care. The way his hand ran down your back and to your ass, and his lips felt against you were all that mattered at that moment. You wanted, needed, all of him, and he was giving it. He leaned back, admiring his work before tugging your shirt over your head. You reached behind you and undid the clasp of your bra, he had broken too many of them for you to let him even get the chance of doing it again. He laughed a bit knowing exactly why you removed your own bra. He quickly pulled his own shirt off and watched as your hands ran over the hard planes of his chest.

 

He started working on the button of your jeans while staring into your eyes. You bit your bottom lip, the eye contact he held was way more intense than normal and you found it hard to keep your legs from giving out on you. Luckily he quickly rid you of your jeans and panties before stripping out of the rest of his clothing and pulled your legs up to wrap around his hips. You gasped at the sudden feeling of skin on skin. You could feel his hard length pressing against you and moaned into the crook of his neck before nipping at the flesh. He grunted and turned, sitting himself on the chair you had been on. You settled onto his lap,looking down at him and used one hand to gather your hair and move it to one side, tilting your head to expose the mark he left on your neck to him. His eyes darkened as he stared at the emerging bruise. You rocked your hips against him, snapping him out of his thoughts. He placed his hands on your hips and with a firm grip he lifted you up, and locked eyes with you as he lined himself up and slowly pulled you down onto his cock. Feeling him fill you caused a moan to come from deep within your chest. He kept constant eye contact with you as he lifted you again and brought you back down onto himself. He groaned and started a steady, hard pace as he guided your body with his large hands on your hips. Moans and grunts started to fill the cabin.

 

“Fuck.” He said through gritted teeth as you rode his cock, hands on his chest to help steady yourself. You bit your lip and quickened your pace. Grinding your clit against his pelvic bone and digging your nails into his flesh, his emerald eyes never leaving yours. You could feel the muscles in his legs tighten underneath you and he started to slam his hips up into you. You paused and relished in the feeling of him fucking you. Your head rolled back and you let out a loud moan, which only spurred him on. You felt the heat build and coil deep inside of you and you knew it wouldn’t be long.

 

“I’m gonna…” You panted out. A hand came up from your hip to cradle the back of your neck and bring your eyes back to his.

 

“Say it…” He grunted out. “Say my name as you cum.” You ground yourself harder against him as you moaned.

 

“Dean I’m gonna cum.” And with that you felt your walls tighten around him, the muscles in your legs spasm, and a shiver to run through your whole body. You felt your muscles loosen, and your body start to go limp. He held you firmly in place and continued to ram into you, his own moans and grunts becoming louder and more ragged as he quickened his pace. You knew it wouldn’t be long till he came. You tried your best to hold yourself up against him, trying not to break eye contact. He thrust a few more times before he buried himself deep inside of you and let himself go.

 

You let yourself slump against him, head resting on his shoulder. You were already so tired from before, but now you felt absolutely exhausted. You laid against him, completely spent. You could still feel your walls tighten and loosen around his cock. He tilted your face up to look at him again before placing a needy kiss to your lips. Dean pulled back, keeping you held up so you were looking at him. He gently guided your neck to the side so he could look at the deep mark he had made on your neck, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the tender flesh with a smirk on his face. You watched his eyes dance over the maroon colored spot and you weren’t sure how you felt about it.


	3. Part III

The mark on your neck was a lot darker than you thought it was going to be. You brushed the tips of your fingers over the bruised skin, examining it in the mirror. Dean sure had seemed proud of it though. Hickeys had never bothered you before, it normally happened in the heat of the moment, but the fact that this was obviously intentional made you feel uneasy. You didn’t like the idea of someone laying claim to you. You weren’t an object to be possessed, you weren’t a trophy, or a conquest, or whatever it was Dean had been trying to prove by leaving the mark in such an easily visible place. You sighed and turned away from the mirror. There wasn’t anything you could do about it now. You had spent the whole day shut up in your cabin. You didn’t want to explain the mark on your neck, so you were hiding from everyone, but if you were honest with yourself there was only one persons opinion on the hickey that would have mattered to you. Seeing the look on Cas’ face when he sees it was something you just weren’t prepared for.

You heard a knock on the door and pulled the collar of your button up shirt back into place. You pulled open the door and couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face at Chuck standing on your porch. You were so relieved to see him. It was nice to be around someone that you didn’t have to worry about.

“Hey. James said you didn’t come to the med cabin this morning and I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He looked you over as if checking to make sure you weren’t hurt. It was odd for you not to show up, but they knew where they could find you if you were needed.

“I just wasn’t feeling so good this morning.” You shrugged and stepped aside, inviting him in, before closing the door behind him. He eyed you for a minute, but then gave a nod. You walked towards the small table against the wall and took a seat.

“Feeling better now?” He asked following your lead and taking the other available chair. You shrugged again. You were fine physically, but you were a complete wreck emotionally. Things had gotten too complicated too quickly for your liking. You looked over at Chuck and sighed.

“Can I be totally honest with you?” You already knew the answer was yes, but that was more of a code you guys had to warn the other to try and not look shocked, or not to judge the other for whatever messed up thing the other had done. He nodded and shifted in his seat so he was facing you. You ran a hand through your hair, and looked up at the ceiling.

“So you know I’ve been sleeping with Dean.” You started.

“Everyone knows you’ve been sleeping with Dean.” He corrected with a small laugh, making you smile. You really were glad to have Chuck around, he was so easy to talk to. Something about him made you feel like you could tell him anything. It was almost like no matter what you did as long as he forgave you it didn’t matter.

“Well I uh kinda slept with Cas a few nights ago…” You squinted an eye and looked over at him, waiting for the look. Chuck had a look he always gave you when you had done something stupid, and he knew you were better than doing. You scanned his face briefly, but the look wasn’t there which surprised you.

“I know.” He said with a shrug.

“How do you know?” You asked rolling your eyes. He shrugged and motioned for you to continue. “And things have gotten…” You paused to try and find the words to explain the situation you’d gotten yourself into.

“Totally fucked?” He asked with a laugh. You rolled your eyes. Chuck’s affinity towards puns was one of the things that had bonded you too him so quickly.

“Yeah pretty much.” You sighed. “I just don’t know what to do…it’s not like I planned for any of this to happen. I was just trying to have a little fun I guess and now I’m afraid someones gonna end up getting really hurt in all of this.” You sighed, knowing that it was most likely going to be you that would end up walking away from this situation broken. Chuck nodded.

“Probably.” He sighed and sat back in his seat. “I’m around Dean enough to know that you have an effect on him. The few times I’ve seen that man smile since hell on earth hit is when you’re around or your name comes up.” He gave a small shrug. “But I’m also around Cas enough to know he feels similarly. Cas is harder to gauge, he’s lost, he needs to regain his faith and remember who he used to be before he could ever truly love another person.” The way Chuck spoke about Cas was odd. You raised a brow and Chuck waved a hand dismissing his last statement.

“I just don’t know what to do.” You sighed and looked at your hands.

“Follow your heart?” Chuck said with a laugh, before standing. “I’ve got to get back to work now, but you know where to find me.” He smiled and gave a light squeeze to your shoulder. You nodded and watched him leave.

 

————————-

 

“Hey Cas?” You called out walking onto the porch of his cabin. You hadn’t seen him since your drunken intrusion the other night, but you had noticed a shift in the girls that used to swarm around his cabin, most were nowhere to be seen, others would come but end up leaving quickly. You didn’t think he was still having his orgies, but you didn’t really want to investigate. Your little talk with Chuck had made you want to find Cas to see if he was willing to talk now that you were sober. You didn’t get a response so you peeked your head in through the beaded door. A few incense and the clusters of white stick burned around the space as usual, but you didn’t see any sign of Cas. You stepped into the cabin. “Cas?” You asked a little louder, you walked towards the back of his cabin and moved the second beaded door out of the way. You hadn’t been into the back part of his cabin before and curiosity took over. You stepped in and looked around.

A queen sized bed sat in the center of the room, a nightstand next to it. You looked around and back towards the bed. It was messy, maroon covers tossed and pillows strewn about the top of it. You smiled to yourself thinking of Cas sprawled out across the bed sleeping. As you looked your eyes fell upon an old looking leather bound book. You walked over and picked up the book, opening it up it only took you a second to recognize what it was. You raised a brow and sat down on the edge of the bed. Why did Cas have a bible next to his bed? You wouldn’t have been surprised if it had been anyone else, but Cas? He wasn’t exactly what most would describe as christian. You skimmed through the pages, taking note of where the book was more worn from repeated use, what pages were a little smoother from the oils of his hands. There seemed to be a few sections that had been focused on more than others. You were lost in thought, thumbing through the pages.

“Y/n?” Cas’ voice startled you, causing you to drop the book and clutch your chest. You looked up at him sheepishly. He shook his head and laughed. “Making yourself comfortable?” He asked, picking up the book and looking at it for a moment before depositing it back onto the nightstand.

“I’m sorry, I was looking for you, but you weren’t here.” You started, knowing that it wouldn’t change the fact you had invaded his privacy. He let out a laugh and sat down next to you. You were glad that he didn’t seem to mind the invasion. He looked you over and smiled softly, raising his hand to brush against your cheek, tucking some hair behind your ear. You welcomed the gesture with a smile till his eyes traveled down your neck and landed on the hickey. The change in his eyes made your heart sink. You sat frozen as he brushed his thumb over the mark and sighed. You opened your mouth to speak and he gave a slight shake of his head asking you not to say anything.

“You were right the other night…” He gave you a half-hearted smile and let his hand fall from your neck and rest on your knee, absently tracing circles in the denim with his thumb. You both watched his hand on your knee as he spoke. “Who you choose to share yourself with are not of my concern.” His eyes seemed a darker shade of blue, and there was a pain behind them that felt centuries old. “It is archaic of me to think I can lay claim over another soul.” He looked up and met your eyes. “I am just glad that you deemed me worthy of sharing such an intimate experience with.” There was a truth in his words that made your heart skip a beat.

“Cas…” You had no clue what to say. The way he was speaking to you was so uncommon for most men that you were taken completely aback, and this is when you realized that things were a lot more complicated than you had even realized, because you were falling in love with him, which terrified you. You looked back down at his hand and bit your bottom lip.

“I do hope that you will continue to share that experience with me.” As he spoke his hand started to run up your thigh. Your muscles tightened under his touch and you bit into your lip a little harder. He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on the mark Dean had left. You tilted your head to the side as he kissed a line up your neck and to your lips. His kisses were always tender and passionate and stirred things inside of you that made your knees weak. You ran your hands up his arms to wrap around his neck as the two of you laid back on the bed and continued to kiss. He leaned himself over you and trailed a hand down to your hip. You lifted into his touch and moaned into the kiss.

Cas pulled back and looked at you, watching your face for a moment, before leaning back in and kissing you again. You pulled him against yourself and rocked your hips up into him. He shifted so that he was completely over you. You tugged at the bottom of his cotton shirt and he broke the kiss, allowing you to pull it off. You placed kisses across his shoulder and collarbone before pushing against him slightly, making him lift up. He looked at you concerned and you smiled in return, guiding him to lay on his back. He looked up at you as you kissed a trail down his stomach to the top of his pants. You looked up at him and relished in the look of anticipation on his face. His bottom lip caught between his teeth as he watched you. You slowly slipped his pants off of him, as you kicked your shoes off. You moved yourself so you were kneeling on the floor in front of him, and he sat up on his elbows to watch you. You guided his knees apart with your hands and slipped your body between them. You ran your hands up his thighs and watched his face. He hitched a breath and his stomach tightened as your hands reached the base of his growing length. You smiled and started to pump his shaft at a slow pace. He let out a moan and arched his hips into your hand. You quickened the pace and watched as he laid back against the bed and his hands came up to hold your shoulders. 

One of his hands traveled up to the back of your head as you moved closer. You parted your lips and brought them down over his tip, resting them there as your tongue ran up the his now hardened member. He lifted his head again to watch you and his grip tightened in your hair. You smiled, loving the way you were making him feel. You opened your mouth wider and lowered your mouth down his shaft, closing your lips around the base and rubbing the back of your tongue over his tip. He grunted and his hips bucked up into you. You closed your eyes, focusing on your task, and started a steady rhythm. Bobbing your head, sliding your lips up and down his cock, sucking hard as you lowered your head and licking up his shaft as your head moved up. His hips bucked against you and the muscles in his legs tightened and spasmed under your hands holding him down. He let out grunts and moans, tangling his hand in your hair. You continued to work his shaft until his whole body tightened.

“Please stop.” He let out in a ragged breath, using his grip in your hair to gently guide you up. You looked at him confused for a moment, worried you were doing something wrong. He must have caught on to your concerns because he quickly elaborated. “I don’t want to finish like this…I want to be inside of you.” He searched your eyes, letting his hand slip out of your hair. You smiled and nodded. You stood up and watched as he rested himself on his elbows again, watching you intently as you slipped your shirt up over your head. He let his eyes trace over every inch of your torso. You reached behind yourself, unclasping your bra, slowly sliding the strap off one shoulder then the other and letting it fall to the floor before slowly unbuttoning your jeans.

You were definitely taking your time and putting on a show while undressing. He let out a small whimper, his eyes pleading for you to hurry. You shimmied out of your jeans and then your underwear. He reached a hand out to you. You took his hand and let him pull you towards himself. You laughed slightly as you fell on top of him, breasts pressed tightly against his chest as his arm encircled you, keeping you close as he used the other hand to brush your hair out of your face and leaning in for another kiss. The passion, and delicate way he kissed you was such a welcomed difference from what you were used to. You shifted yourself so you were straddling his hips. You moaned into the kiss, feeling him press into your already wet sex. You broke the kiss and sat up, placing your hands on his chest to steady yourself as you lifted your hips. You shifted slightly so he was lined up and slowly lowered yourself onto him. You paused, moaning at the feeling of him being so deep inside of you. His head fell back and pressed into the pillow, feeling you engulf him completely. He lifted his head and trailed his hands up your sides, he cupped your breasts and thrust his hips gently into you. You moaned arching into his touch and started to lift yourself up until only the tip of his throbbing shaft was inside of you until slowly lowering yourself back down and letting out a moan, hands gripping his chest as our started a slow pace. He fondle your breasts and whispered something under his breath as you rode him slowly. You arched so that he could fill you completely every time you came back down onto him. His hands slipped to your hips as you sped up. He laid beneath you, raising his hips to match your rhythm, letting you set the pace that satisfied you best. It wasn’t long until that familiar heat started to rise in your core.

“Oh god Cas.” You moaned out his name and ground your hips against him. He shifted his hand so that he could rub your clit with his thumb. You moaned loudly at the added sensation. He knew exactly what to do to set you over the edge and it didn’t take long for you to come completely undone on top of him. Your climax ripping through you in waves, you leaned forward to rest your head on his shoulder. Your legs were weak and your breathing was hard. He started to lift his hips, thrusting into you harder, his arms coming up to wrap around you. Pressing you into him tightly as he pumped into you. You kissed and licked at his neck, collarbone and shoulder as he muttered in that same language you didn’t recognize and continued his pace until his body tightened and he buried himself deep. You moaned and tightened your walls around his pulsing cock as he came, spilling his seed deep inside of you.

He kissed your shoulder gently and ran his hands over your back as the two of you laid there, trying to catch your breath. When your breathing had returned to normal you sat up and moved to lay next to him. He shook his head and crawled up the bed so his head was resting on one of the pillows, he laid facing the middle of the bed and patted the spot in front of him. You smiled and crawled up to join him. Nestling yourself into his arms. Letting the cool air wash over your heated body. After a few minutes reached to grab the blanket and pull it over the top of you both before wrapping his arms back around you and pulling you so you were resting on his chest. You were already drifting off to sleep as he placed a gentle kiss to the top of your head, burying his face in your hair. You let yourself fall asleep, curled up in his arms, a blissful smile playing across your lips.


	4. Part IV

You woke up alone in Cas’ bed. You stretched out before sitting up, you hadn’t planned on staying the whole night, but you were surprisingly comfortable with it.

 

“Cas?” You called out, but there was no answer, you figured he had already gotten his day started so you decided you should do the same. You dressed and walked out of the cabin. You looked up at the sun to try and gauge about what time it was. Luckily for you it was still early morning so you would be able to get some much needed breakfast. You made your way to the mess hall and replayed last night in your mind. He was so thoughtful of how you felt and his focus was always on making sure he was pleasuring you. You hadn’t been with such a generous man before, and it was definitely something you could get used to. The fact that he was so understanding of whatever it was you had going on with Dean, and didn’t seem to mind, only made the situation better. You smiled to yourself and entered the mess hall.

 

By how busy it was you could tell breakfast hadn’t started long ago, you took your spot at the end of the line and looked around. You spotted Chuck and gave him a wave. He returned the gesture before looking back at his clipboard and making notes. You shook your head, he was always so preoccupied, you knew he enjoyed it, but you wished sometimes he would get the chance to just hang out, and not worry, but that wasn’t Chuck. You continued looking around the room and spotted Dean. When your eyes locked with his he quickly got up and left the cabin. You hadn’t been expecting him to react that way, and it honestly pissed you off. You huffed to yourself and stared straight ahead in line.

 

————————————————

 

You were on your way to go find Dean after finishing breakfast and checking in with James in the med cabin when you decided to stop into Cas’ cabin and thank him for last night. You walked up onto the porch and before you could knock he stepped out.

 

“Hey.” You greeted with a smile.

 

“Good morning.” Cas returned the smile. “I’m sorry to leave you on your own this morning…I just wanted to get in some early morning meditation by the lake.” He apologized and grabbed your hand, sandwiching your hand palm side down between both of his. You laughed a bit to yourself and shrugged.

 

“It’s not a big deal.” You rubbed your thumb over the backside of his hand. He brought your hand up to his lips and placed a kiss on your knuckles. “How stoned are you?” You laughed and watched his face light up a bit and his shoulders to rise in a shrug. You shook your head and moved your hand to cup the side of his face, feeling his stubble poke into the pad of your thumb. He tilted his head into your hand and placed another light kiss on your wrist.

 

“Y/n.” Deans voice came from the path in front of Cas’ cabin. You rolled your eyes, dropping your hand from Cas’ face. “Cas.” Dean nodded a greeting towards his friend.

 

“Have a beautiful day.” Cas smiled at you and leaned forward placing a kiss on your lips. You stood, unsure of what to do, and went with your gut, returning the kiss and smiling as he pulled back. “Are we still on for drinks tonight?” Cas turned, asking Dean who only gave a nod. Cas gave his usual big grin and walked back into his cabin. You walked down the steps of the porch and towards Dean. He watched you and looked around as you approached.

 

“Can we talk?” Dean asked, his usual commanding tone no where to be found.

 

“Yeah we probably should.” You agreed and started to walk back towards your cabin. You knew this conversation wasn’t going to be easy. You couldn’t imagine Dean would be as open to the idea of you continuing your relationship with Cas’ as Cas was with your relationship with Dean. You wanted to be on your own turf for this conversation. The two of you walked side by side in silence. He stole glances at you and the mark he had left when he thought you wouldn’t notice. You were still really mad at him, but seeing this more shy side of Dean was making it hard to hold onto that anger. You opened the door to your cabin and walked inside. You turned to look at Dean as he closed the door behind him.

 

You watched each other for a few minutes, neither wanting to be the first to speak. You rolled your eyes and took a seat at the table. He turned to face you, but didn’t follow. He stood in front of you, hands in his pockets and eyes on the ground. He looked like a puppy that knew it was about to me scolded, which only made you smile. You had never seen Dean like this. He was always gruff, and all business. You weren’t sure what to make of this side of Dean.

 

“I-” He started.

 

“You-” You laughed a bit to yourself after you both spoke at the same time. You motioned for him to go ahead and he nodded, looking at his feet again.

 

“I wanted to apologize for uh….” He tapped the side of his neck, obviously talking about the hickey on your neck. You hadn’t expected him to apologize and it set you back. You sat just watching him so he continued. “The thought of someone else being with you.” His voice deepened and he shook his head. “I guess I got a little territorial.” He shrugged finally looked at you.

 

“You do realize that you just implied that I’m your property right.” You crossed your arms over your chest and stared him down. His eyes widened a bit, you could tell by his reaction that he hadn’t meant it like that.

 

“No I don’t mean.” He paused trying to figure out the best thing to say. “I obviously know you’re not my property.” He finally said in a huff. You uncrossed your arms and relaxed a bit, that’s all you had really wanted to hear him say. You didn’t like the idea that some men had that a woman was theirs. That’s not to say that you didn’t believe in relationships, or monogamy, you just believed it was a mutual partnership, and claiming the other seemed really out dated to you.

 

“I know what you’re saying.” You nodded, giving him a break.

 

“It was just something about knowing you had been with Cas…and I guess I just wanted to make sure he knew that I wasn’t going anywhere.” He shrugged and finally walked over to the table and took a seat. He watched the ground and pulled a pocket knife from his pocket that he started to play with absently. It was something you had seen him do from time to time when he was anxious. You reached out and placed a hand on his arm, rubbing gently to reassure him. His green eyes met yours and you smiled. Seeing this softer side of Dean was exactly what you had been waiting for from him.

 

“So where do we go from here?” You asked scanning his face, he shrugged. “I don’t plan on stopping seeing Cas anytime soon…if that’s not something you can-”

 

“I just don’t wanna know.” He cut you off. “I can’t expect you to drop everything for me…I don’t even know what I really want.” He sighed. “I didn’t think this part of the end of the world would be so complicated.” He laughed a bit and you smiled, nodding in agreement. “Look I know I enjoy whatever we have, and I don’t want to give up on that…so whatever we do when we’re not together…” He paused watching your face.

 

“What happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors.” You said with a nod and he smiled. “I really am glad we can be adults about this.” You sighed and stood up. He watched you walk over towards a few bottles of water on your counter. You tossed one to him and opened one for yourself. You took a long swig and cleared your throat.

 

———————————————-

 

You spent the next few days up to your elbow in sick people. A flu had started to spread around the camp. For surviving the apocalypse people sure were big babies when it came to the flu. You finally had a break from the med cabin and walked back to your own, to take a nap. You entered the cabin, stripped down to your bra and underwear and tossed yourself onto the bed. You were asleep shortly after.

 

When you woke up you had the sudden feeling someone was there. You sat up quickly and looked at the body in your bed laying next to you. Dean’s eyes looked puffy and he snored loudly. You could tell that he had been hit with the flu as well. You laughed to yourself a bit before shaking him gently. “Roll over.” You guided him to the center of the bed and got up. You walked over to the shelf above the sink and grabbed a couple of ibuprofen, and a bottle of water before making your way back to the bed. Dean was laying on his back now in the center of the bed and groaning to himself. You rolled your eyes and sat on the edge of the bed and held the pills out for him.

 

“They’ll help.” You offered with a smile. He nodded slightly and shifted himself so he was sitting up slightly, head resting on the headboard, and swallowed down the pills, stretching his hand out for the bottle of water.

 

“Thanks.” He mumbled after chugging half of the water and handing the bottle back to you. You set it on the nightstand and stood back up. Dean’s eyes traveled over your body, you were still in nothing but your bra and underwear. He whistled at you and wagged his eyebrows, before covering his mouth with the back of his hand and coughing. Even sick his mind was in the gutter. You laughed and pulled the covers up to his chest.

 

“I’m gonna go get us some food. I’ll be back. You get some rest.” You offered as you started to redress. He gave a weak nodded and curled back up on his side, eyes closing, mouth open slightly. You smiled, seeing Dean vulnerable was actually pretty cute.

 

———————

 

You walked back towards your cabin and spotted Cas talking to Chuck and a couple of other guys. You walked over to the group, balancing some crackers and soup in a bowl with one hand and a sandwich in your other. Cas turned and smiled as you walked up.

 

“Hello y/n.” He greeted and looked at your hands then raised a brow. You shook your head and gave him the ‘don’t ask’ look. He nodded and excused the two of you from the group. You gave Chuck a smile, unable to wave with your full hands. He returned the smile and continued the conversation with the other men. Cas placed his hand on the small of your back and started to walk with you towards your cabin. He took the sandwich from one of your hands, allowing you to better support the bowl of soup.

 

“Dean’s passed out sick in my cabin. I’m assuming he’s hiding out there because no one would come looking for him.” You gave a shrug and watched Cas’ face, trying to see just how comfortable he really was with the situation. He merely gave a nod.

 

“Makes sense.” He offered and smiled at you. As the two of you reached your porch he walked up the steps and held the door open for you. You smiled and took the sandwich back.

 

“Thanks.” You nodded your head towards the open door. He smiled, leaned forward and placed a quick gentle kiss to your lips.

 

“Take good care of him, I think this place would fall to pieces without him.” He said light heartedly. His casual nature about the whole situation was so comforting and unsettling at the same time. You nodded and turned to go into your cabin, looking back over your shoulder at him as he closed the door for you with a smile.

 

“I got you soup.” You called out to Dean, who was fast asleep, curled around one of your pillows, face buried muffling his snores. You smiled, setting your sandwich down on the table before grabbing a spoon from one of your drawers and heading over to the bed. You perched yourself at the edge and shook his shoulder gently. He stirred and mumbled under his breath. You leaned forward and placed your lips against his forehead testing his temperature. It was a trick your mom had taught you, she had said the skin on your lips was more sensitive to heat than your hand. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled at you.

 

“Soup?” You asked lifting the bowl towards him. He nodded and sat up, he took the bowl and balanced it on his lap.

 

“Thank you.” He looked down at the soup and sighed.

 

“What’s wrong?” You asked adjusting yourself so you were sitting on the bed facing him. He shrugged and started to eat the soup.

 

“I just hate being sick.” He laughed and looked at you. “You don’t have to take care of me…I just needed to get out of my cabin.” He started and you shushed him.

 

“It’s cool…that’s kinda my job around here you know…making sure people don’t die.” You laughed and his eyes widened a bit. “Relax it’s just a bug going around, everyone’s been fine, it’s not a big deal.” You patted his leg and he gave a nod. “Finish your soup and get some more rest.” You said as you walked over to the table and started to eat the sandwich you had grabbed for yourself.

 

You both ate in silence, he finished the soup a lot sooner than you thought he would, which was a good sign. You finished your sandwich and walked towards the door to start putting your shoes back on.

 

“Will you lay with me?” He asked under his breath. You froze in place, not totally sure you had heard him right. “Please?” He asked a little louder and scooted over to make room for you. You gave a nod and headed over to the bed. He smiled and lifted the covers for you. He pulled you into his arms and laid you both down so he was spooned behind you, arms wrapped around you tightly. You chewed your bottom lip, laying there thinking. It was weird snuggling with Dean. It wasn’t exactly the normal for you two. You guys had more of the hit and run kind of relationship, but something about his arms holding your against him as your breath synced up with his as it fell from his lips and grazed across your neck. You shivered at the feeling and he placed a kiss on the back of your neck. He started to place a few more kisses on your skin as he pressed his hips into you.

 

“Dean…you’re sick.” You protested weakly, but the feel his already growing length pressing into your back, and the feel of his lips on you neck were making it hard to resist.

 

“It’ll make me better.” He whispered playfully in your ear. You let out a small groan and your ass pushed back against him. He pressed his hips forward into you more and ran a hand up your side to cup your breast. You tilted your head so you could look at him, he leaned in and kissed you. You didn’t even care about if you got sick at this point. You returned the kiss and reached behind you to stroke him through his pants. He moaned and arched into your hand. He pulled your shirt up to bunch under your arms, lifted just enough to expose your bra, which he quickly pulled down and out of the way before leaning forward and taking one of your nipples into his mouth. He licked and bit at the sensitive bud, making you rock your hips back into him and your hand to move faster.

 

You started to unbutton his pants as he kissed up your neck. He lifted his hips allowing you to slip his jeans down his thighs followed by his boxers. He pressed himself into your denim clad rear before whimpering slightly. You quickly slipped out of your own pants and underwear and captured his lips in another kiss. His hand traveled down your side and gripped your thigh just above your knee, raising your leg, giving him room to enter you from behind. You felt him moving forward and the tip of his cock pressed slowly inside of you. He rested his head on your shoulder and groaned out as he buried himself inside. You moaned and bucked your hips back against him. He started a steady rhythm, thrusting his hips back and forth, the angle that he was hitting you causing you to moan out and grip the sheets in front of you with one hand while the other reached behind you to grip the hair at the back of his head.

 

“God you’re tight.” He moaned against your neck and sped up his pace. Grip tightening on your thigh as he started to pound into you. You let yourself get lost in the feeling, there was something different about it this time. He wasn’t as rough, or as hurried as he normally was. He was taking his time and enjoying every second of it. He shifted your leg so it was resting in the crook of his arm as he reached to rub your clit. You moaned and bucked into him wildly. He was kissing and nipping at your neck, pounding into you and rubbing your clit all the the same time, you knew that you wouldn’t be able to hold out long.

 

“Dean.” You moaned out his name, knowing how he liked hearing it fall from your lips in between your moans. He started to work your clit faster and his hips matched his pace. Your walls tightened around him as you came on his cock. The feeling causing him to moan out and pump into you a few more times before letting himself go. You could feel him pulsing and filling you. His hand dropped, bringing your leg down with it. He wrapped his arm back around you and snuggled into your back.

 

“See…all better.” He joked as he yawned. You shook your head and curled up into his arms, feeling his chest rise and fall against your back, you breathing syncing back up with his. You placed a kiss on his forearm before settling back in to go to sleep. He returned the gesture with a kiss on your cheek. You fell asleep with Dean curled around you, head on your shoulder and him snoring slightly in your ear.


	5. Part V

“Dean.” Cas’ low gravel echoed through the cabin. His hands were at his sides, balled into fists, he wobbled where he stood. Dean turned to look at this oldest friend. The look on Cas’ face was murderous, something Dean hadn’t seen in such a long time. Cas stepped forward, almost losing his balance as he did. Dean reached out to help stable the man, but Cas smacked his hands away and snarled up at him. Dean took a step back.

 

“Woah Cas.” He wasn’t sure what was going on, but he knew it wasn’t going to end well. Cas reeked of booze, more so than usual and his pupils were blown to an unreal size. Dean knew Cas was completely out of his mind on whatever it was he had taken. Dean tried to hold back his anger, he knew Cas’ drug habits, but he hadn’t seen it this bad before.

 

Cas stood in front of Dean, panting out harsh breaths, lips curved up and twitching exposing his clenched teeth. He didn’t even look like Cas, in all of the fights Dean had seen Cas in he had never seen this look on his face. It brought chills to Dean’s spine and he took a few more steps back, raising his hands in defense.

 

“Look Buddy…” Dean started with an even tone. “I don’t know what’s got you so worked up, but you gotta cool it.” He warned. He didn’t want things to get ugly. He didn’t know if he had it in him to fight Cas. They had been through so much together and Cas was one of the only people he had left. Cas lunged forward and Deans fist struck out involuntarily, hunters instincts taking over. His fist connected with the side of Cas’ head and Cas fell to the ground. Dean looked down at the slumped body shocked.

 

A loud scream ripped through your cabin as you shot straight up in bed. A cold sweat covering your body. You stared at the darkness in front of you and pulled your knees up to your chest.

 

“It was just a dream…” You repeated those words to yourself over and over again as you rocked back and forth, hugging onto your knees and sobbing. You hadn’t been this effected by a dream in a very long time. The images of Cas’ snarl and Dean’s fist crashing into his head flashed in your mind and you shook your head trying to get them out. You slid out of bed and walk to the counter, grabbing some water and chugging down most of the bottle. You looked around, suddenly very aware of how alone you were. You heard a knock on the door, as if answering your prayers to have someone there with you.

 

“Y/n?” Chuck’s voice came through the door. You quickly made your way to the door and flung it open, wrapping your arms around your friend. He sighed and returned the hug. “I heard you scream...what happened?” He asked looking inside of your cabin. You shook your head and clung to him tighter.

 

“Just a really bad dream.” You stepped back and hung your head, embarrassed that you had worried him. “Why were you over this way so late anyways?” You asked as you motioned for him to come in. You knew his cabin was on almost the opposite side of the housing in the camp, there was no way he would have heard you from there.

 

“Couldn’t sleep...decided to go for a walk.” He shrugged and sat down in his usual spot next to the table. You gave a nod and sighed, your heart rate slowing down to it’s normal pace. You took a seat and ran your hands over your legs, trying to get the clammy feeling to go away. “Are you alright?” Chuck asked, gently nudging you to open up and talk to him about the dream. You knew that’s what he was doing, but you would rather just forget about it. You also knew he wouldn’t give up till you told him something, so you lied.

 

“Just some croats broke into the camp and it was really messy.” You shrugged. He eyed you, and you knew that he could tell it was a lie, but he just gave a nod.

 

“I’ve had a few of those dreams myself.” He looked at you and gave you a half smile. A silence fell between you two. You let out a yawn and stretched in your chair. “You should go back to sleep.” He offered as he stood up. You knew he was right, but you didn’t want to risk having another dream like the last. You nodded and gave him a quick hug before he left.

 

\----------------------------

 

You had a hard time falling back to sleep after your dream and it showed in your slumped shoulders and chin rested on your hand at the table in the mess hall. You poked at the food in front of you. The dream had really shaken you up, and it was starting to make you question the choices you’ve been making lately. While it seemed like things were working out smoothly between you, Cas, and Dean, you knew that life just didn’t work like that. The other shoe was always waiting to drop, and after that dream you felt it would be dropping soon. You sighed, the idea of ending your relationships with the guys wasn’t one that you liked. It was working out so well, you would enjoy your time with both of them separately, no questions asked about what was happening behind closed doors. You knew Cas had started his sessions again, and that Dean would stop by other girls cabins every now and again, and while there was a side of you deep down that hated the idea of them with other people, you knew it wasn’t fair of you to expect anything different. You looked up from your plate when you heard steps approaching you. You smiled seeing Cas walking towards you.

 

“Good morning Beautiful.” He smiled and sat down across from you. You returned his smile and sat up straighter, not wanting him to see how exhausted you were, but by the look he was giving you it seemed like he had already noticed. He eyed you for a moment. “Rough night?” He kept it vague, trying not to cross any boundaries.

 

“Just had a really messed up dream and couldn’t get back to sleep.” You shrugged.

 

“Well I’ve done a lot of research on dreams...there was a time when I didn’t have them.” He paused and cleared his throat. “Well at least I couldn’t remember them.” He corrected himself and shifted in his seat. “Maybe I can help you work out whatever problems are causing the nightmares?” He offered with a soft smile. You chuckled to yourself, considering the nature of the dream. His brow went up and his head tilted to the side in confusion. You smiled and shook your head, admiring him for a moment. The slight head tilt and cocked eyebrows were some of your favorite mannerisms he had. It was just such a sweet, almost innocent look that was in such contrast to a lot of his personality that it always made you smile.

 

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. I don’t remember anything about it anyways” You lowered your eyes. His hand reached out and gently caressed your cheek. You looked up at him, meeting his ocean blue eyes, and a soft smile turned up at the edge of your lips. You sighed and gave a nod figuring you could come up with something off the cuff to tell him. He nodded and stood, waiting for you to join him on the way back to his cabin.

 

\------------------

 

You sat in the middle of the braided rug like he had instructed, as he went around the room closing curtains and lighting candles. The room had a soothing soft glow to it, he started to light a few incense as well. You had no idea how he seemed to have an endless supply of them, of course you couldn’t imagine that they were really in high demand nowadays. You watched as he looked over the room and nodded to himself before dipping into the bedroom and returning with his pipe and a small drawstring bag. You raised a brow at him, it wasn’t exactly a surprise that being high was going to be a big part of this though.

 

“This is some really special stuff.” He sighed looking at the bag in an almost loving manner. You shook your head and laughed under your breath. He looked at you and gave a crooked smile. “It’s a lot stronger than my usual go to…” He sat down in front of you, legs crossed over the other as usual and he opened the bag. You watched him closely as he pinched some dried leaves between his thumb and forefinger. “Mayan shamans used this for many things...mostly for spiritual healing and exploration of one's own soul.” He was so focused on what he was doing that it was making it hard for you to look away. “It gives a much different high than marijuana.” He looked up at you, his words a gentle warning. “It’s a hallucinogenic...not as potent as LSD.” He reassured you. “But it allows you to float out of your own consciousness and allow you to open your mind to yourself. It’s often used in divination.” He finished what he was doing and sat the pipe down in front of himself. “It’s can be a bit jarring, but I am here...I will not be going anywhere, and it should help you to get to the root of the nightmare.” He reached out and placed his hand on your cheek, leaning across to kiss you. The kiss was gentle and comforting.

 

“Alright...let’s do this.” You nodded and sat up straight, rolling your shoulders and neck, stretching out for whatever was about to happen. You watched as he handed the pipe to you. “You’re not gonna do it too?” You asked a little concerned.

 

“No love it’s best if I just watch over you.” He had such a calming way about him that your nerves instantly settled and you brought the pipe to your lips. You light the flame over the dried leaves and sucked in slowly. Feeling the smoke glide through your lips and down into your lungs was a heavy feeling. You held the smoke in your lungs for as long as you could before coughing and looking at Cas. He nodded his head and smiled. You continued to pull the smoke from the pipe deep into your lungs until he brought his hand up and rested it gently on your arm, lowering the pipe from your lips.

 

“That should be enough.” He took the pipe and set it down beside him. “How are you feeling?” He asked looking you over. You shrugged, not sure if it was working, until you started to feel the ground vibrate below you. Your head shot down, looking at the rug, expecting to see it lifting off of the ground, but it stayed in place. You looked back up at Cas and by the look on your face he could tell it was having the desired effect.

 

“Alright…” He started you watched his mouth, you could swear you saw the words spilling off his tongue and into the air before twinkling out. You closed your eyes and shook your head, letting out a laugh. “Keep your eyes closed. Try and think back to when you first went to sleep.” His even tone guided you through your thoughts. “What are you doing?” He asked. You licked your lips and opened your mouth to speak, but your tongue felt clumsy in your mouth.

 

“Laying down...it’s really late...long day in the med cabin.” You started. You kept your eyes closed as you thought. You could see yourself laying down in the bed. You felt like someone watching a movie, seeing your own actions, being able to hear your inner monologue. “I wanted to go find Dean, but he had said he was going to be busy.” Your hadn’t realized you were still talking out loud. A small conscious part of your brain screamed at you to shut up, you were breaking the rules. You swallowed a lump in your throat. You opened your eyes and looked at Cas. His eyes were that darker shade of blue that they got when he was sad, but he smiled at you.

 

“Go on...what else.” He kept his even tone and you closed your eyes again nodding your head. You were back to watching yourself laying in the bed. You were curled on your side and playing with the edge of your blanket.

 

“I’m thinking about how you kiss…” You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your lips. “I didn’t want to come see you because you were meditating.” You let out a sigh as if you were in the moment, unable to go see him because you didn’t want to interrupt him. “I’m starting to fall asleep now.” You nodded. “It’s all black…” Your body stiffened at the sudden change.

 

“Keep going.” He urged you on.

 

“Wait...I think the dreams starting…” Your voice was low and soft. “Dean’s at the table in his cabin...you barged in.” A breath hitched in your throat. That same small conscious voice telling you to make something up, but you couldn’t. “You’re really mad. You call his name and he looks at you. He’s shocked to see you so mad...you don’t look like you...you look…” You shake your head, not wanting to remember seeing Cas like that. “You’re like...growling...no your snarling at him.” You feel your knees come up to your chest. “He’s trying to calm you down...but you’re...high...not like your normal high, but...strung out.” You correct yourself. “You can barely stand up straight...oh god.” You feel your body recoil slightly and your breathing picks up it’s pace. “You lunged at him...he hit you...you’re laying on the ground not moving…” Your voice is barely audible and your body is shaking. “And I wake up screaming.” You feel your throat tighten as if you were screaming again. You feel the tears start to come and you bury your head in your knees.

 

“It’s alright Y/n.”  Cas’ soft voice pulled you back down to earth and you opened your eyes, letting the tears fall freely in front of him. He wrapped his arms around you, and cradled you against him as you weeped. “You’re alright.” He smoothed a hand over your hair and placed a kiss on top of your head. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” He whispered against, lips pressed against your head.

 

\-----------

 

You woke up in Cas’ bed. You looked around and noticed your shoes on the ground next to the bed and your jeans folded over the bench at the end of the bed. You smiled softly, knowing that he had taken care of you after you had freaked out brought a smile to your lips. You heard Cas in the main room of the cabin, humming to himself. You got up and out of bed and walked over to stand in the beaded doorway. You saw him sitting on the bean bag chair, hands behind his head and foot tapping the ground as he hummed a tune. You smiled and cleared your throat, trying to get his attention. He opened his eyes and looked over at you still humming. He smiled and pat the open space of chair next to him. You walked over and let your body sink down next to him.

 

“I’m sorry I kinda lost it...but I did warn you!” You pointed a finger at him. He nodded and brushed some hair out of your face.

 

“Are you feeling better now?” He asked letting his hand fall and rest on your exposed thigh. A shiver ran through you at the sudden skin on skin contact and you nodded. “Good.” He leaned forward and captured your lips in a kiss. You shifted so you were facing him and pressed yourself into his body. He slid his hand from your thigh to cup your ass as he deepened the kiss. You let a small moan and arched into him. He continued to kiss you as he slid his hand under the waistband of your panties, and let out a moan of his own as his hand grazed the soft skin of your rear.

 

You let your hands travel through his hair and to his shoulders, pulling him over on top of you. He kissed you deeper and ground his hips against you. The feeling of his shaft pressing into you through the thin fabric of your panties, and his cotton pants made you almost drip with arousal. You broke the kiss and started to kiss down his neck while reaching between the two of you to pushing his pants down just far enough for his cock to spring free. He looked at you a little surprised. Normally there was a lot more foreplay between the two of you, but you didn’t want to wait any longer and gripped his shaft. You started to stroke him as you wiggled yourself out of your panties with your free hand. He watched your face and his eyes seemed flashed the most intense blue you had ever seen. You bit your lip and bucked your hips up into him.

 

“Please Cas...I need you...now.” Your tone was somewhere between begging and demanding, he simply nodded and lined himself with your entrance. You let out a moan and wrapped your legs around the backs of his thighs as he started a steady pace. Your fingers dug into his biceps as he held himself up, and thrust into you. He watched as you moaned and bit at your lip. While the sweet love making that you two normally shared was amazing, this was definitely a welcomed difference. Your head pushed back into the bean bag chair as your chest arched up towards him. He started to quicken his pace. His face scrunched and he started to moan out in that same unknown language, you made a mental note to ask him what the hell it was later.

 

Your hips bucked against him as he pumped into you, your legs wrapping tighter around you and the muscles in his arms starting to get weak from holding himself up. You pulled him down against you, letting him rest his weight. He captured the space just behind your earlobe in a light bite and you moaned out, causing him to bite a little harder and his hips to crash against you.

 

“I’m gonna cum.” He warned in your ear as his thrusts became erratic.

 

“Cum for me Cas.” You moaned in his ear, knowing by the warmth in your gut you would be right there with him He gave a few more haphazard thrusts before his head shot back and he called out as he came. Your own orgasm rocked through you, your legs tightening around his, pulling him impossibly close to you. He let his head fall against your chest as he tried to catch his breath. He placed soft kisses against the opening in the v of your shirt before pulling out of you and rolling over onto his back onto the bean bag chair. The two of you laid, spent, sprawled out like that for a few moments.

 

“I need a drink.” He laughed and sat up, pulling his pants back into place and standing up. “You?” He asked as he walked over to his liquor cabinet. You nodded and smiled as you pulled your underwear back up and laid back on the beanbag chair looking up at the ceiling, noticing the moon mural for the first time. You tilted your head to the side and smiled.

 

\-----------

 

You hadn’t gotten much sleep the past week or two. The nightmares had gotten worse. Every night, at least once, you would watch either Dean attack Cas or Cas attack Dean and it was getting to be too much. You just wanted to get some real rest, it had started to affect your work in the med cabin and James told you to take some time and that he would come get you if he really needed you. You were sitting down by the lake by yourself, watching the water and trying to sort through your thoughts. You hadn’t seen much of Dean or Cas. It was hard to look at them without remembering the dreams. Your feet dangled off the edge of the dock and your toes skimmed the water…you loved coming down to the lake. It was calm and normally you could be alone down here. You completely understood why Cas came down here to meditate. You felt the dock shift a bit and heard the steps approaching you. You didn’t look up from the ripples in the water you were making with your toes.

 

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Dean’s voice was soft, he hadn’t wanted to startle you. You could hear him taking off his boots, setting them to the side and rolling the bottom of his pants. He took a seat next to you and started to match the pattern you were making in the water. His long legs finding their way into the water a lot easier than your own. “What’s up with you lately?” He asked glancing over at you. You shrugged. “I talked to Cas last night when he came by for drinks and he noticed the same thing. You’ve been really distant, neither of us have seen you much, and when you’re with us you seem a million miles away.” He sighed and watched your face. You were surprised to hear him say he talked to Cas about it, but it was a relief to know that they were still friends.

 

“I just haven’t really been sleeping…bad dreams messing with my head.” You looked at him and gave a weak smile. You hadn’t really thought about how your distance would affect them, you figured they would just preoccupy themselves with someone, or someones else. “I’m sorry…” You started to feel really bad about it. You sighed and kicked at the water.

 

“It’s okay...you’ve got your own shit going on, we just wanted to make sure that uh.” He looked down at the water and lowered his voice a bit. “That we hadn’t done anything wrong.” He shrugged a bit. He actually seemed a little embarrassed to ask. You smiled to yourself. This softer side of Dean was really growing on you. You shifted and rest your head on his shoulder. You had missed being close to him. You always felt safe around him. You knew that no matter what happened he could protect you and in this day and age that was definitely an attractive quality. He tilted his head to rest on yours and his arm came up around your back, resting on your side and pulling you closer to him. You smiled, knowing that he wasn’t mad at you was a relief. The two of you sat, watching the water making patterns at your feet, in silence. You felt yourself start to drift off, and let yourself go. In his arms you felt like you could sleep, like him being there would keep the nightmares from coming.

 


	6. Part VI

You had started to spend your nights alternating between Dean and Cas’ cabins, seeking comfort from the nightmares, but it was starting to complicate things. You had always known this was coming, you had just wished it was later rather than sooner. You knew that it was effecting all three of you in negative ways. Dean and Cas were starting to drift farther apart from each other, their once strong friendship becoming strained and awkward. You felt sick to your stomach thinking about it, knowing you were the cause. It was never your intentions to do so. You hadn’t planned any of this, but you knew it was time to start thinking about the effect the arrangement was having on all of you.

 

You sighed and ran a hand through your ___ colored hair. You had spent last night curled up in Dean’s strong arms. He always held you as if you would float away at any moment. It was easy to say you both clung to each other. Your nights with Dean had shifted from the rough casual sex and sneaking out in the middle of the night to a more tender passionate relationship. He had started to soften around you, it was something you had been wanting from him, but now it was making it hard to decide what to do. You had to distance yourself from him, and from Cas. You didn’t want to, but you felt it necessary for all of you.

 

You decided that starting that night you would return to your own cabin, you would find a way to deal with the nightmares, you couldn’t keep running to Dean or Cas. It felt like a punch to the gut every time you thought about it. You wanted nothing more than to just curl up in their arms, hide away from the world, and live happily ever after, but this was the end of the world and you knew you couldn’t have it that good.

 

You walked down the worn path from your cabin to the med cabin, hoping you could delve into your tasks, and get out of your own head. There was a group heading back from a supply run. If they didn’t run into any trouble and have any injuries you would at least have the routine Croat check to do. You walked into the cabin and nodded towards James who was looking over the stock of supplies. He wasn’t much of a talker, which wouldn’t help you get your mind off of your thoughts, but at least you weren’t alone.

 

You had just started to get basic supplies laid out when you heard the trucks rumbling back into camp. The sound traveled easily throughout the quite camp. You headed out towards the path they would be coming up, everyone knew the drill. The ones that went on the supply run would meet up with the people who would unload the trucks and be led up to the med cabin by a few armed men, just in case something went wrong on the way. It was so commonplace now to see people being escorted around by men with guns at the ready, but it still made you nervous. You could see the men walking up the path.

 

“We’re all ready for you guys.” You called out and waved them towards the cabin. They entered first and you followed behind them. The men with guns would wait by the door, in case they were needed while you and James checked over the ones back from the supply run.

 

“How did it go?” James asked, trying to make small talk, it was easier if the men were distracted.

\-----------------------------------------

 

You sat across from Chuck in the mess hall. You had done a good job of avoiding Cas and Dean so far for the day, it was easy to stay in the med cabin, it was rare they would venture there, but now it would be harder. You had considered just going back to your cabin after examining the men, but you had to eat. Chuck looked you over with a raised brow, he could always tell when something was up with you.

 

“I don’t know how much longer I can keep up...whatever...it is I’ve got going with Dean and Cas.” You were glad you could be so open and candid with Chuck. He gave a simple nod.

 

“It uh...does seem complicated.” He agreed. “But whatever you gotta do to keep yourself sane and happy...well I mean as happy as we can be that is...you gotta do.” He shrugged and took a bite of the roll he was holding. It was your turn to nod, you agreed with what he had said, but it was easier said than done.

 

“I just don’t know what to do…” You shrugged and let out a small chuckle. You wish it was easier, you wish you could just walk away from them both, but you had such strong feelings for both of the men that you knew it wouldn’t last long if you ended things with them. The feelings you had for them both were so strong, yet so different. Cas was fun and sweet, but Dean made you feel safe and he needed you as badly as you needed him. You had never thought you would end up in this kind of situation, you had never been the love triangle type before, it seemed way too soap opera to you, but yet here you were.

 

\---------------------

 

You were laying in your own bed, thinking to yourself when you heard a knock on your door. Your heart jumped and you got up to answer it. You hesitated, debating on just ignoring it, you weren’t sure you could handle speaking to either Dean or Cas right now. It hurt to think that way, all you wanted was to be with them, but it was starting to seem more and more like you couldn’t have either if you wanted to do what was best. You took a breath to calm your nerves before opening the door.

 

“Hello Beautiful.” Cas greeted with a smile. You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. You moved aside so he could come inside, he took the invitation and walked in. “You didn’t stop by after dinner, so I wasn’t sure if you were going to be joining me this evening.” He sat on the edge of your bed, watching you make your way over to the table and taking a seat. He raised a brow.

 

“I uh…” You started, fiddling with your nails, watching your hands, you weren’t sure what to say and you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. “I’m not sure if I can keep doing this Cas.” You spit it out and sighed. You brought your eyes up to look at him and immediately regretted it. He gave a simple nod and stood to leave.

 

“I think we all knew it couldn’t keep going this way...I can’t say this is the outcome I would have prefered, but I hope you are very happy with Dean.” He gave a weak smile, you couldn’t tell if he meant it or not. You weren’t sure which would have made it worse. You shook your head.

 

“Cas...that’s not what I meant…” You paused and watched him stop walking towards the door and turn towards you. His head tilted to the side slightly and his eyes squinted.

 

“Then what did you mean?” He asked taking the other seat at the table, placing his hands on the tabletop and lacing his fingers. You sighed. You were not ready to have this conversation, but you knew it had to be done.

 

“I just...I don’t know...I’ve seen how it’s effecting you and Dean.” Your gaze shifted back to your hands, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. “The friendship you two have...it’s…” You paused, searching for the words. “It’s such a strong connection...seeing it being strained, because of me.” You shook your head. “This world is shitty enough I don’t want to contribute to taking something as beautiful as the bond you two have out of it.” You gave a shrug. The sharp laugh that came from the man across from you took you by surprise. You looked up at him with a furrowed brow.

 

“The bond Dean and I share.” He laughed and shook his head a bit, as if there was an inside joke amusing him that you weren’t in on. “Let’s just say it’s not as profound as it once was anyways.” He laughed to himself and you continued to look at him confused. You had no idea why it was so funny, but you didn’t want to ask. “If you’re worried about Dean and I...don’t be.” His demeanor changed, and his serious tone returned.

 

“It’s not that easy Cas...I can’t just not worry about it.” You gave a huff and crossed your arms over your chest. “I really do…care...deeply about the both of you.” You chose your words carefully. You knew that it was far beyond caring, but could you really admit to Cas, let alone to yourself that you really were in love with both of them? As true as you knew it was, you felt protected in your denial. If you didn’t admit to it, then no matter the outcome you could fool yourself you would be fine.

 

“And us for you.” Cas gave a nod. You looked at him and gave a weak smile. His blue eyes traced the outline of your face. You wanted nothing more than to reach across the table and pull him into a kiss, but it felt inappropriate given the situation. Your tongue flicked out and across your bottom lip as your eyes fell to his lips. He shifted in his seat, leaning closer to you, you felt your body moving in towards him, it was not a conscious effort, muscles acting on their own on your behalf. Your bottom lip found it’s way between your teeth. Cas inched closer, and closer until he was almost leaning over the edge of the table. Your breath hitched in your chest as you watched his blue eyes graze over your face. He brought a hand up to cup your cheek and pulled you closer to him.

 

“Cas…” Your voice was barely a whisper as his name slipped out. His eyes fell to your lips as he licked his own. You reached up and placed the palm of your hand on the back of his and gave a light squeeze. He closed the gap between the two of you, lips pressed against each others, tongues gently parting the others lips and swirling around each other. You leaned farther into him and grasped at his shirt. The kiss was quickly becoming frantic and needy. You heard your chair tip over backwards and crash to the floor as he pulled you onto his lap, never breaking the kiss. The two of you gripped and pulled at each others clothing, lips and tongues fighting for control, hands moving from each others clothes to tangle in each others hair. It had never been like this with Cas.

 

The intensity to the kisses were starting to feel like goodbyes. Your heart sank, and you stilled yourself against him, lips paused over his, one hand clutching the front of his shirt the over tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck. He quickly noticed the change in you and pulled back to look at your face. His eyes flashed as he searched your own. The two of you sat, faces inches apart, lips starting to swell from the bruising kisses. Neither of you spoke a word as he stood, lifting you by the back of your thighs, hands gripped firm to keep you steady. Your legs wrapped around his waist as he started to walk towards the bed. Your arms wrapped around his neck and your hands ran through his hair, your eyes flicked from his eyes to his lips and back to his eyes, you were trying to remember every detail of his face.

 

He laid you back on the bed, crawling on top of you, bracing himself with his arms on either side of your head. your legs still wrapped around his waist and your hands sliding over his back, up his shoulders and down his arms. He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to your lips, it was soft and sweet. Your hands found their way to the hem of his shirt as you tugged it up. He lifted up, sitting up on his knees between your legs and pulled his shirt off the rest of the way. You took the chance to run your hands over his chest, the tips of your fingers tracing every curve of muscle. You felt him shudder under your chest and looked up at his face, his eyes were closed and his breathing was starting to pick up. You felt your own breathes starting to fall in sync with his as you watched him. He opened his eyes and looked down at you as his hands ran up your sides, pulling your shirt up with them. You lifted yourself up to help remove your shirt and reached behind yourself, unclasping your bra, sliding each strap off of your shoulders before he lifted his hands to take over. He gently removed the item and licked his lips looking at your now exposed breasts. It was your turn to shiver under his gaze and hands roaming your torso, his palms glided down your sides and up your stomach till the reached your rib cage. He paused and looked at your face, your eyes were focused on his hands, breath still heavy and your hips slowly rocking against his. He bit his lip before dipping his head and placing light chaste kiss at the top of your breasts, tongue tracing the curve before placing sloppier open mouthed kisses.

 

Your hips rocked harder against him at the feeling. The friction of the denim between you two causing a small moan to escape your lips. He continued working your breasts, mouth on one and a hand on the other. He looked up at you through his lashes as he flicked his tongue out across your hardening nipple and your hips bucked into him causing his eyes to close and a moan to come from deep in his throat. He closed his mouth over the bud and sucked before swirling his tongue around it and grazing his teeth over it gently before lifting back up to look down at you. You were starting to quiver and your hips were rocking against him faster and faster. His growing length straining in his own jeans rubbing against your mound. You let a moan out as he gently grabbed your wrists and guided them above your head, using on hand to hold them in place while the other moved down to unbutton your jeans and pull down the zipper. You held your breath in anticipation as the hand worked its way into your panties and a finger flicked across your clit.

 

You arched into his touch, raising your hips up off the bed. He returned to licking and nipping at your breasts as his fingers worked you over. He traced his middle finger up and down your folds as his thumb pressed against the sensitive bud of nerves. You wriggled underneath him, the sensations almost too much. He held your arms firmly above your head, you wanted to just run your hands through his gorgeous brown hair and to pull him closer into you. He wanted to take his time, and savor every moment. He looked up at you again as he plunged his finger deep inside of you, curving it slightly to stroke against your g-spot. You let out a loud moan and your hips slammed up into his hand he smiled against your flesh and continued his efforts.

 

“Cum for me.” He purred out and continued to watch your face as his finger slid in and out of your center, hitting you in just the right ways, thumb rubbing over your clit and tongue circling your nipple. You moaned and rocked your hips against his hand adding to the friction, legs tightening around his waist and arms straining to be freed. He held his grip and bit down on your nipple as your orgasm ripped through your body. Your eyes rolled back, head pressed into the pillow as your hips bucked wildly against him. He placed gentle kisses up your neck as he removed his hand from your panties and brought his fingers to his lips. Watching him lick your juices off his fingers, eyes closing in ecstasy, moan slipping through his lips, savoring the taste made that coil in you tighten again. He finally let go of his grip on your wrists and your hands flew down to unbutton his pants, you pushed them down his hips and thighs as quickly as you could.

 

He let out a chuckle and kicked them the rest of the way off. You lifted your hips allowing him to help you remove the rest of your own clothing. You both paused to look over each others naked forms, your eyes falling to the muscles on his hips that pointed perfectly towards his large member. Your hips rocked up against him. Feeling his shaft rub against your wetness caused a moan to escape both of your lips. He let his head fall back as you continued to rock against him, legs wrapped back around his waist and hands running up to grip the muscles on his back. Your bottom lip was caught between your teeth and you moaned out.

 

“Cas I need you...now.” Your words came out in a mix of demanding and begging. He looked down at you and gave a nod before kissing you. He pulled back and watched your face as he slowly pressed into you. He let out a deep groan as he buried himself inside of you. Your hips pressed up into him, trying to take all of him in. He started a steady pace, his hands gripping your hips. Your head pressed back into the pillow as your back arched up. He sat on his knees between your legs, pulling your hips into him with each thrust, the angle making it easy for the head of his cock to hit the perfect spot with every thrust. You were quickly coming undone and moaned out his name, along with a string of other encouragements. He let out his own groans and grunts as he quickened his pace. He leaned forward, wrapping his arms under your back pulling you as close to him as possible as his hips slammed into you repeatedly.

 

You felt that familiar warmth build inside of you and your nails dug into his back as you let yourself go. Your walls tighten around him as he let his own orgasm wash over him. Your hips continued to rock against each other as he lay on top of you trying to catch his breath. You had to remind yourself to breath, you matched your breaths with his and felt your heart rate start to slowing return to a normal pace. He lifted himself onto his elbows, still buried deep inside of you. He brought his hand to your face and ran his fingers along you cheeking, tucking sweat soaked hair behind your ear. You searched his face, you could feel your stomach tighten and your eyes start to burn. He leaned in and gave you a sweet kiss before rolling off of you, pulling you with him so that you were tucked against his side.

 

\---------------

 

It had been a few days since you had seen Cas. You missed him terribly, but you thought you were doing what was best for him. You had never meant for it to become as serious as it had. It broke your heart to distance yourself from him. You were lying to yourself every time you told yourself you were okay, but if there was one thing you were good at it was fooling yourself. It took everything in you to keep walking every time you passed his cabin.

 

You were already feeling pretty shitty about yourself when you heard the rumble of an engine from your cabin. You sighed, knowing that it was Dean coming back from the mission he had been on, it was a long one, he hadn’t been around for about a week now. You wanted to run out and greet him, but you knew that you had to tell him about your decision to end things with both him and Cas, but you didn’t think now was the time. You stood at your window, moving the curtain aside just enough to peek out. You could see Dean looking around, you knew he was looking for you. When he saw James walking down the path his shoulders slumped, he knew you wouldn’t be coming to greet them. You lowered your eyes and went back to your bed, curling up on your side and closing your eyes tight.

 

\----------------

 

You woke up to the sound of knocking on your door and Dean’s voice calling your name from the other side. You sat up and rubbed your eyes, you must have fallen asleep. You noticed the lack of light in your room, it was getting dark outside, they must have just finished up doing the pre-mission checklist. You heard Dean knock again and you sat up in your bed, smoothing your hair and straightening your close.

 

“Come in.” You called out. You heard the door open and close again. You looked up from your blanket and at Dean. He stood tall, shoulders back, head held high, the mission must have gone well. He wore his usual smirk on his face, which brought a grin to your own. “Was the mission successful?” You asked as he walked towards you. He gave a nod and sat himself on the opposite side of your bed, kicking off his shoes and making himself comfortable. You laughed a bit to yourself, Dean had gotten so much more comfortable around you, which was only going to make what you had to do even harder. He leaned over to kiss you, but you turned your head to the side, causing his lips to fall on your cheek. He pulled back slowly, the look in his eyes alone was enough to break your heart.

 

“What’s going on here?” He asked, sitting up straighter. You sighed and started to pull at a loose string on the blanket.

 

“We uh...need to talk...I ended things with Cas.” You looked up at him and saw him perk up, he was trying to hide it, but he couldn’t help the happiness that shone in his eyes. You cringed and his demeanor changed again. “I couldn’t keep doing what we were doing...I thought I was strong enough...but…” You looked up at him and fought back the tears in your eyes. He reached out and traced his thumb along your cheek, letting you calm yourself before you continued to speak. “I can’t be with both of you...and I don’t think I can chose between the two of you either.” Your voice was weak, you felt his hand fall from your face and his body stiffen, you knew that wasn’t what he had been expecting. You looked up and saw his shoulders shake slightly before he sat up straight and looked straight ahead. He wouldn’t look you in the eyes and it made your stomach churn.

 

“I understand.” He gritted out, you knew he was lying, but he was trying to keep his cool. You had come to learn enough about Dean to know he was biting back on his words.

 

“Please...whatever you have to say...just say it…” You were expecting him to blow up, tell you how mad he was at you for starting this and letting him get close to you and then pulling this shit. You could hear his voice ringing in your mind, telling you that you were a selfish person and that you didn’t deserve him anyways, but he just stayed silent for a moment before letting out a breath.

 

“No I mean…” He finally looked at you, his green eyes were sad and dark. “I just haven’t felt such a strong connection with someone as I have with you…” His words were soft. “I...I don’t want to give up this easy, but if it’s really what you want…” He cleared his throat, choking up on his words. You nodded, you couldn’t bring yourself to speak the lie, but if you didn’t look him in the eyes, maybe you could get away with it. You didn’t want this, not at all, but you wanted Dean and Cas to be able to go back to normal. You didn’t know if ended the relationship would fix everything between them, but at least then you weren’t getting in the way. He searched your face for a moment. “Can I….” He started to speak, his hand raising to cup your face. “Can I at least say goodbye?” His voice was low as he leaned in to kiss you.

 

Your arms flung up to wrap around his neck as you pulled him into you. He wrapped his other arm around your back and pulled you as tightly to him as he could. You two were clinging to each other again. He ran a hand through your ____ hair and laid back on the bed, pulling you over him as you kissed. He was trying to be gentle with you, but the way he gripped at your hip and his hand tangled in your hair, you knew it wouldn’t last long. You moved so you were straddling his hips and pulled on the front of his shirt so he was sitting up right. The two of you quickly undressed, shimmying out of your clothes and tossing them to the side. You pressed your lips to his collarbone and snaked a hand down to grip his length. He was already hard when you started to stroke him. He groaned and arched into your touch. He wrapped his arms around your back, pulling you to him, causing you to rub against his thigh and a moan to fall from your lips. He nudged your head up to meet his lips and kissed you deep while he lifted your hips, strong hands holding your firmly as he positioned you over his lap and brought you down on his length.

 

You moaned as he filled you and started to bounce up and down on his lap. The same fire and passion that had started your relationship was there. It only seemed fitting to you to go out the same way. He gripped your hips tight and your hands traveled to rest on his shoulders to steady yourself. You could feel every muscle twitch and tighten as he trusted up into you. Your head fell back and his fell forward burying it into your chest. He placed sloppy kisses between your breasts as you continued to ride him. His grip on your hips tightened and he flipped you over onto your back, never pulling out of you, or moving his face. The new angle hitting you in a new spot made you cry out his name, and he groaned against your chest.

 

He ran his hands down your thighs as he sat himself up. He gripped your calves and raised your legs so they were resting on his shoulders, tucking his knees under your rear to support you and pull you closer. His hands gripped your thighs and he nipped at your calf. You looked down your body, watching him pull out and bury himself back into you was too much and you felt your body shudder and legs squeeze against him as you came. His thrusts got stronger and his grip got tighter. You could feel the muscles in his legs quake as he buried himself inside of you, head falling back and a loud roar like moan escape his lips. You marveled at the sight before you, something that you knew would stay with you forever. Seeing him let go so completely, and feeling his cock pulse inside you was enough to cause you to spill over again. Your body shook and he held your legs tight against him, placing kisses along your calf.

 

\------------

 

It was an especially quiet day in the camp. The season was starting to shift and the leaves were starting to turn a beautiful burnt orange. You loved the fall. The air was starting to get crisp, and you were amazed how even at the end of the world it could still be so beautiful. It had been two weeks since you had ended things between you and the boys. It was awkward to say the least, you were all trying really hard to go back to normal. Trying to go about your daily lives, without the memories taking over. You had caught yourself on a couple of occasions walking to one of their cabins, and stopped yourself, quickly running back to your own.

 

You had seen Dean and Cas start to spend more time around each other again, and it made it easier, knowing that at least their friendship had survived. It was a small comfort, but at least it was there. You had been spending a lot of time with Chuck, he was sympathetic without pity. He would stop by your cabin in the morning to make sure you had slept, and he was trying to help you to deal with nightmares. They had shifted from images of Dean and Cas attacking each other to Croats, and the usual end of the world fears.

 

You walked along the worn paths, not heading anywhere specific, but needing to get out of your cabin. You weren’t paying attention to where you were going when you ran into a hard form. You looked up to see Dean, Cas standing beside him. The three of you exchanged glances before you looked at the ground and mumbled out an apology. A silence fell between the three of you and you shifted on your heels.

 

“Y/N would you like to join us for a drink?” Cas offered and you looked up at the two of them surprised.

 

“Uh...sure.” You were hesitant, but you had missed them both so much, that you wanted to be around them. You followed them towards Dean’s cabin, mulling over your thoughts as they chatted about an upcoming mission. You looked from Dean to Cas and back again, and you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your lips.

 


	7. Part VII

Dean opened the door to his cabin and motioned for you and Cas to enter. You let Cas go first, but followed close behind. You fought the urge to reach out and embrace them both. You wanted nothing more than to hold them tight and never let go. You averted your gaze to the wooden planks of the floor and tried to steady your rampant heart rate. Being so close to them was so much harder than you thought it would be.

“Cas you got the glasses?” Dean asked as he went for the booze. You stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do now. You weren’t sure how you fit into their world anymore, and you hated the feeling. The tension gnawed at you, and the idea of turning on your heels and making a run for it played in your mind.

“Y/N.” Cas snapped you out of your thoughts as he handed you a glass of scotch. You smiled down at it remembering the first time you had the stuff in Dean’s cabin. That was when it all started with Dean. You took the glass and raised it in toast, before swallowing most of it down in one gulp. It was a lot easier this time than it was then, you definitely had your share of practise. You glanced at both Cas and Dean as they looked at you with crooked eyebrows. You gave a small shrug and cleared your throat.

“We’re gonna need you to make sure the med cabin is good to go tomorrow night.” Dean motioned towards you with his glass before taking a sip. You looked at him a bit confused for a moment, before remembering the mission they were talking about on the way to the cabin. You gave a nod, and your eyes fell to the floor again. Of course that’s why they wanted you here. They had to make sure everything was set for the mission, and making sure the med cabin was ready for them when they got back was important. You sighed, you shoulda known that it was about business and not anything else.

“It should be a pretty easy run, but you never know.” Cas’ voice was the flat monotone he used when he was trying to be serious. You gave another nod, still watching the ground before finishing the last of your drink. You took in a deep breath, squared your shoulders and looked up at them. You knew that if you could fake confident they wouldn’t notice your disappointment.

“No problem guys. I’ll make sure we’ve got everything ready.” You walked towards the table, set down your now empty glass, and turned; walking towards the door. Your strides were strong and deliberate. You wanted out of the cabin, away from the two men you hated to admit you were still in love with, especially now that it seemed they were both completely past whatever you had with them.

“Where are you going?” Cas moved quickly to your side, reaching out and placing a hand on your arm. You flinched away, causing him to pull back a bit shocked. You had never reacted that way to his touch. You weren’t even sure why. You looked ahead of you, refusing to look him in the face. Your fight or flight instinct kicking in to protect your heart. You didn’t know where this was going, but you couldn’t let yourself get anymore hurt.

“I thought you were gonna stay for a drink?” Dean questioned, still sitting in his chair, feet propped up on the table. You took a deep breath.

“I had a drink.” You couldn’t help the small smile that spread across your face at hearing the two men laugh. Your nerves started to ease, but you were still really unsure of what you were doing there.

“Please come sit and talk with us…” Cas gently pulled your arm, guiding you back to the table with him. You gave a small nod, and followed behind him. You took a seat and looked across the table at Dean and Cas. An awkward silence fell between the three of you and you started to pick at your nails, and watched your hands.

“How have you been?” Cas asked, taking another sip from his glass. You gave a small shrug and let out a sigh. What were you supposed to say? How were you supposed to answer that, without telling them how much you missed them, how badly you wanted to be with them again? You decided to let the shrug speak for itself.

“Chuck said you’re still having nightmares.” Dean’s words hit you hard. Your eyes snapped up and looked at him then to Cas, both of them looking concerned. You made a mental note to kill Chuck the next time you saw him.

“You keeping tabs on me Dean?” You tried to sound annoyed, but the idea of him asking Chuck about you, made you smile, knowing he did care, that maybe he missed you as much as you missed him.

“Yes.” Cas’ simple answer took you by surprise.

“What?” You breathed out and looked between the two confused. Dean gave a shrug and Cas smiled at you.

“You didn’t really think we could just let you go and not make sure you were okay did you?” Cas leaned back in his seat, Dean glanced over at Cas, giving him a warning look.

“It’s not like we’re stalking you or anything.” Dean protested.

“Well we basically were.” Cas argued, and let out a chuckle when Dean reached over and slugged him in the arm. You stared at the two in shock. You had thought they had just accepted that it was done and went on with their lives. They hadn’t tried talking to you, and you hadn’t seen either of them much the past few weeks.

“You’re joking.” You shook your head and reached out for the glass you had placed on the table, but chose to snag the whole bottle instead. You brought the open bottle to your lips and took a shot. The burn making you cough this time. Dean looked mortified by Cas selling him out, and Cas just wore his usual smirk.

“Y/N…it wasn’t just a fun fling…for either of us.” Cas spoke so simply, and honestly, not that you really expected much else. He wasn’t usually the one to hide his feelings, or feel ashamed of them. It was one of the things that made you feel so connected to him, never having to guess where you stood with him, or how he felt was comforting.

“Me either.” You admitted quietly, playing with the neck of the bottle, watching the liquid inside slosh back and forth with every move you made.

“We do understand why you felt it had to end.” Cas glanced over to Dean, who just gave a nod. You watched the two of them, and started to get the idea that this was all planned. They must have already talked about this. You waited, letting Cas finish the speech he must have had prepared. “But that doesn’t mean we agree with you.” He leaned forward and placed his hand on your forearm. You didn’t flinch at his touch this time, instead you felt your arm rise into his hand slightly, your muscles ached to be touched again.

“I shouldn’t have given in so easily…” Dean finally spoke up. “I should have fought harder for you…” He let out a sigh and finished off his own drink. You knew this was much harder for Dean, he never had been open about his feelings, not even with himself. It was something you easily related to. You chewed your bottom lip, unsure of what to say.

“We understand if you want things to stay the way they are now, but we want you to know that no matter what we are both always going to be here for you.” Cas let go of your arm and sat back in his seat. You let his words sink in and your eyes shifted back and forth between the two men. Your head swam, you were trying to process what exactly was going on. Were they asking you to chose between them, or were they saying they wanted things to go back to how they were? You weren’t sure, and you sure as hell weren’t going to just ask.

“I uh…” You took another swig from the bottle before standing. “I’ve got to get back to my cabin…I’m going to have to get up early to make sure we’re all set for you guys to get back…and you guys need to get some rest for the mission.” You swallowed hard, and watched as they stood and nodded in agreement.

“I’ll walk you back to your cabin.” Cas offered holding out his hand for you to take. You shook your head no.

“Thank you, but…I gotta think…on my own…” You chewed your lip, not wanting to hurt him anymore than you already have. He let his hand drop and gave a small nod, he flashed a forced smile, trying to hide his own disappointment. Your heart  wretched and you ran your hand through your _____ hair. Dean stepped forward and pulled you into his arms, not giving you a chance to protest. His arms wrapped around you in a tight embrace and you felt every muscle in you soften and you melted into his arms. He placed a kiss on the top of your head before clearing his throat and stepping back. You could feel the blush on your cheeks, before you turned and pulled Cas into a hug.

You wanted to make sure that he knew you weren’t blowing him off completely. You wanted to make sure that it was clear to them both how much they meant to you. You had no idea how else to do it, but to make sure that Cas felt as cared for.

——————

Two days had come and gone since your chat with the boys. The mission had gone off without a hitch. They had come in to be checked and you made sure that James took care of them. You didn’t want to risk any intimacy with them. You weren’t ready yet. You still had no idea what to think about what they had said. It was comforting to know that you hadn’t lost them, but at the same time it made things even more complicated. It would have almost been easier if they hated you. At least then you wouldn’t feel so conflicted.

You were sitting on the dock down by the lake, watching the water. It was starting to get cold, but you loved how tranquil it was. The water was still, and the sun bounced off the surface, casting a beautiful glow. You pulled your sweater tighter around yourself, knees curled into your chest, head rested on your folded arms. You liked being down by the lake, because you could let your mind wander, you could let your thoughts drift to wherever they wanted to go, without having to worry about crying, or smiling for no apparent reason. Which was exactly what you needed right now.

The idea of starting up your relationships with Dean and Cas again had been weighing heavily on you. You wanted things to go back to how they were, you wanted to be close to them again, but the fear of hurting one of them was still very real. It was hard trying to balance between the two. You had to be careful not to pay more attention to one over the other, you felt you couldn’t even mention the other when you were with one of them. Although the conversation you had with them the other night, helped to ease those worries. They seemed pretty comfortable with it. They had obviously known from the start about each other, but that didn’t mean they were okay with it. You were starting to wonder if you had let the nightmares get the better of you.

It was an easy out for you when things were starting to get pretty intense. You had lost so many people when the world ended, and you were afraid to let anyone in, but that’s exactly what had been happening with Cas and Dean. You were falling in love, and you couldn’t handle the thought of letting yourself feel that way, knowing they could be gone at any moment. You felt the sting in your eyes and blinked a few tears away. You couldn’t run from your feelings forever. You knew it wasn’t healthy, but it was a lot scarier to admit your feelings for the boys and risk everything. You couldn’t change how the world was now, it was shitty, and scary, and everything could come crashing down at any time, but did that mean you weren’t allowed to find happiness?

Letting out a sigh you shifted so that your legs were stretched out in front of you, lying back to look up at the sky. Judging by the position of the sun it was around noon. You knew you should go up, and get in line for lunch, but you weren’t feeling that hungry. Plus the silence was nice. It wasn’t often that you got the chance to wallow in the mess you had made for yourself, and maybe that was the worst part. All the pain you felt, and caused, you were to blame. Not that it was anything new, but it made the pain in your chest twist. You took a few deep breaths, breathing in through your nose deeply, and exhaling through parted lips. 

The autumn air was crisp as it filled your lungs, you felt a shiver run through your body. The cold was almost comforting. You watched the sky, still amazed at how beautiful it could be. You watched clouds pass through the blue, trying to make since of their random shapes. Laughing to yourself when you could pick out some shapes. It was something you hadn’t done since you were a child. Just laid back, and watched the clouds. You felt your eyelids flutter closed. A yawn broke through and you shifted so you were a little more comfortable. Despite the chilled air, and the fact you were laying on hard wooden planks, it was easy for you to drift off to sleep.

—————————————

_The gentle touch of hands ghosting over your ribs caused you to inhale sharply. The aroma of incense and pungent smoke fill your nose. You let the familiar scent wash over your senses. The hands continue their path up, cupping your breasts briefly before trailing over your collarbone. You feel yourself being lifted by your shoulders and tender kisses being placed along the curve of your neck. A moan slips through your swollen lips._

_You can’t see anything, but you know exactly where you are. Your hands splayed over a firm chest, nails gently raking skin as you grip tight. You can feel buried deep inside of you.The familiar stretch of your inner walls, and the muscles of your thighs almost vibrating. Your lips graze over his ear, tongue tracing the curve, before your teeth nip at the lobe. He grunts and rewards you with a harder thrust of his hips, digging impossibly deeper._

_“Cas.” You moan out. Your breathing heavy, and in synch with his. You feel hands run along your back, it takes you only a moment to realize there are too many hands. You still yourself for a moment, the smell of whiskey and leather now taking over the incense and pot. A heat washes over you, and you lean back into the hard form now pressed against your back. The second pair of hands coming forward and gliding down to cup your breasts. You moan at the touch. The sensations almost overwhelming. You feel Cas’ deep hard thrusts and Dean’s calloused fingers rough against your sensitive buds._

_“This is where you belong.” Dean’s voice purrs in your ear, before his lips drop and suck on the skin just above your collarbone. You moan out his name and your nails dig deeper into Cas’ shoulders. The heat inside of you builds, the mixture of their moans, colliding with your own, the sound of skin against skin, and the feeling of the two against you becomes more than you can handle. You dive head first into the abyss, and you’re suddenly alone. You shiver at the cold and feel tears start to form in your eyes. You let them fall freely, and soon you’re drenched. You feel as though you’re drowning._

_You gasp frantically for air, trying desperately to breath, you feel water fill your lungs and your heart rate increases. Your arms and legs thrash out wildly, trying to find something, anything to hold on to. All your efforts seem lost in the encompassing water. You’re breathing in nothing but death. You try hard to stop yourself. Then you feel yourself stop moving. No matter how hard you scream for your arms and legs to move, they do not._

————

You bolt up, quickly realizing it was just a dream. Your heart rate slows to it’s normal pace. ‘Fuck.’ You mutter to yourself, it had started to rain while you were asleep. It was coming down pretty hard. You sighed and got yourself on your feet. You looked up at the sky, the once brilliant blue replaced with heavy dark clouds. You wrapped your soaking wet sweater tighter around yourself and started to walk back to your cabin. You were freezing, and you knew you should hurry, but at the same time you didn’t really see much of a point. You were already cold, and wet. The walk wasn’t too long, and you were still groggy from your dream.

It started to come back to you in bits and pieces. The familiar feeling of hands on your body, the moans, and the smells. You shook your head, trying to push the thoughts away. Then Dean’s words rang through your mind. “This is where you belong.” You could almost feel his breath on your ear, a chill ran down your spine, and you knew it wasn’t just the rain. It wasn’t like that was the first less than pg dream you had involving the boys, but it felt so different. The fact that you couldn’t see anything, all other senses intensified in the dark. A loud crash of thunder ripped you from your thoughts, and you picked up your pace.

The rain was starting to get stronger, the wind picking up, and lightning lit up the sky. You hated storms, especially now that you didn’t have anyone to cling to. You chewed your lip and tried to move faster, but the wind was starting to push back against you. Rain forced it’s way into your face, making it harder to see. The storm was quickly escalating. Your cabin was still a few minutes walk, and you weren’t sure if it was worth it. You sighed, knowing that the closest cabin to where you were was going to be Dean’s. You shook your head no, and pushed forward.

A bright bolt of light came down against a tree off to your left, the loud crash, and shock of what had just happened, knocked you back on your ass. Your heart rate increased as you watched the large branch that had been hit crack and fall to the ground. You sucked up your pride, got back onto your feet, and ran towards Dean’s cabin. You weren’t about to get yourself killed to avoid some awkwardness.

The overhang above Dean’s door brought you some relief from the onslaught of the rain, not that it helped much with the wind, but at least the rain was gone. You hesitated for a moment, afraid to knock, but as soon as you heard the boom of thunder your hand flew up to pound on the door. You heard someone rushing to the door, and you chewed your lip waiting. Dean ripped the door open and froze, looking at you a bit shocked at first before reaching out and urging you into his cabin. You quickly entered and brushed your hair out of your face.

“What the hell are you doing out in this?” Dean’s voice was loud, with a tint of anger.

“I was down by the lake, I must have fallen asleep. I was lost in a dream.” You paused remembering the dream. Your cheeks flushed and you cleared your throat, looking away from him. “I woke up in this.” You sighed. It sounded so dumb. You glanced up at him, watching him shaking his head and rubbing the bridge of his nose. He seemed annoyed. You immediately regretted going to his cabin. “I just…it’s really bad. I’ll leave as soon as I can.” Your voice was small and your eyes were back on the ground. You heard Dean let out a breath and watched his feet approaching you.

“You’re fine Y/N.” He sighed, now standing directly in front of you. “You’re soaked, and gotta be freezing.” Dean ran a hand over your upper arm. You hadn’t realized just how cold you were until the heat of his hand was pressed against the fabric of your sweater. “I’m gonna grab some towels and something for you to wear.” He was talking to himself at this point. You gave a simple nod and wrapped your arms around yourself. Your body trembled and you felt your toes and fingers start to tingle. Dean walked back over to you, holding out a couple towels and what looked like some of his clothing. You took a towel and started to dry your hair.

“Thank you.” You had to speak up, the sounds of the wind and rain beating the side of the cabin otherwise drowning out your voice. He gave a simple nod. You wrapped your hair up in the towel, not even caring how ridiculous you probably looked. You reached out for another towel and suddenly got really nervous realizing you were going to have to strip out of your soaked clothing. You weren’t sure why it was an issue really, logically you knew that it shouldn’t be. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time you undressed in front of him.

“I’m gonna go get the fire going.” He nodded towards the fireplace back in the corner. Dean must have picked up on your apprehension. His cabin was a lot larger than the others, it must have been the person who ran the camps cabin before the world went to shit. You watched him walk away. You started to peel off the wet clothing. Your sweater came off easily, but your shirt was another story, you tugged at the fabric sticking to your skin. You finally got your shirt up over your head. You glanced towards Dean, he was busy stacking logs into the small fireplace. You paused for a moment, just watching him, before starting to remove your jeans.

You started to dry off your exposed skin, you were even colder now, standing almost completely nude in the middle of Dean’s cabin. You had yet to remove your bra and panties, both soaked, but you wanted to get your limbs dried off first. You reached behind yourself and unhooked the bra, letting it slide over your arms and fall to the floor, bringing the towel up you began to dry the rest of your torso. You glanced over at Dean again, and could swear you saw him quickly look back towards the fire. A smile spread across your lips, knowing you had just caught him sneaking a peek over at you.

You finished undressing, quickly drying the rest of your body, before looking at the clothes Dean had grabbed for you. It was a plain white t-shirt, and a pair of boxers. In all of your time you had spent with Dean, this was going to be the first you wore anything of his. It seemed so…domestic. It was somehow strangely intimate. You felt a little shy about it. It was strange feeling like this around Dean. It amazed you how quickly things had changed, and you fought the urge to feel bad for yourself.

You walked towards Dean, now toweling off your hair. You knew it wasn’t going to be completely dry, you just didn’t want it to drip. You watched as he finished with the fire. He stood up, at your side, and watched the flames. He had done a good job building a fire that looked like it would last for awhile, and by the sounds coming from outside it seemed like the storm was planning on sticking around too. The heat coming off of the fire was more than welcomed. You felt yourself still shaking, but it was getting better.

“Here.” Dean’s words were soft as his hands came over you, wrapping a blanket over your shoulders. You smiled up at him and snuggled into the soft fabric. He returned your grin, and walked towards the kitchen. You sat yourself on the floor in front of the fireplace and tucked yourself into the blanket. Dean walked back towards you with the bottle of whiskey and two cups in hand. “I know it won’t really warm you up, but it’ll feel like it.” He shrugged and sat down in front of you. He poured a glass for both of you, handing yours over, before taking a sip of his.

“Thank you Dean.” You took the glass and chewed your lip for a moment. “For everything.” You shifted in the blanket so that you could have both of your hands free, but still be covered. He gave a nod and his attention shifted towards the fire. You watched as the flames danced, casting shadows over his chiseled features. You couldn’t believe you had gotten yourself into this mess. You just wanted to reach out, grab him by his shirt, pull him against yourself and kiss him hard. You cleared your throat and took a drink from your glass. The liquid warmed you from the belly out.

The two of you sat in silence, watching the fire, and draining your glasses. Dean poured himself another and offered the bottle to you. You shook your head no, not wanting to over do it. He shrugged and took a long swig from his glass. You sat your empty glass on the floor and snuggled back into the blanket. The silence was starting to get to you, it wasn’t that it was uncomfortable, you were just afraid that if you didn’t say something soon, you would lose it and blurt out everything you had been feeling the past few weeks.

“The big tree by the mess hall got struck. There’s a large branch in the path now.” You glanced towards him, remembering the crashing sound it had made.

“We’ll have to do a lot of damage control after this storm. We weren’t expecting it. Fall isn’t normally the time for these kinds of storms.” He let out a small sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose. You knew it was hard on him being the leader. It took a lot out of him, there was so much to worry about, so many small things that most people didn’t realize. Most people took all the work he did for granted, but you knew that without him that the place wouldn’t be able to sustain itself. You chewed your lip again, turning back towards the fire. The loud crash of thunder seemed to shake the roof. You jumped in your spot, let out an embarrassing shriek and closed your eyes.

Dean’s arms wrapped around you, pulling you closer, and against his chest. You didn’t bother fighting it. You needed the comfort. You tucked your head under his chin, and wrapped your hands around his back. He placed a kiss to the top of your head, shushing you comfortingly, and rubbed a hand over your back. You steadied your rapid heart rate. You were too embarrassed to look up at him, and if you were completely honest with yourself you didn’t want to, because that would mean you were okay and you wouldn’t need to take refuge in his arms.

“I’m sorry….” You spoke low. “I just…really don’t like storms.” You sighed and started to pull back a bit, his arms stayed firmly around your back, pulling you back against him. You smiled and snuggled back into his chest, shifting yourself so that you were nestled between his legs.

“It’s alright Y/N.” Dean smiled down at you and placed another kiss to the top of your head. You smiled and laid your head against his shoulder, watching the fire. It felt so right being in his arms, but all you could think about was how unfair it was. You still weren’t sure what you were going to do, and you didn’t want to make Dean think everything was going to go back to how it was.

“Dean…I uh.” You started to talk, but it was hard getting the words out. You sighed and looked up at him, his eyes the most brilliant green from the light of the fire. You swallowed hard and licked your lips. You watched his gaze shift down, tracing the path of your tongue. “I don’t know what is going on…I mean I don’t know what to do here.” You sighed. You were nervous to have this talk with him, but you knew it was time to grow up and stop running from your fears. “I care so much about you.” It was still too hard for you to admit you loved him. “But I haven’t stopped caring for Cas any less either.” You paused, gauging his reaction.

“I get it.” He smiled softly and ran his hands over your back, tracing small patterns with his fingers into his t-shirt.

“I just don’t know what to do.” You sighed laying your head back on his shoulder. “I wish things hadn’t gotten so complicated.” It felt amazing being able to talk openly.

“I know.” He laid his head down, resting his cheek on the top of your head.

“I just wish things could go back, but I know they can’t.” Your heart sank.

“Why not?” Dean asked arms wrapping tighter around you, pulling you closer to himself. You didn’t know how to answer that. You weren’t sure exactly what had changed, why you had started to have the nightmares. All you could do was shrug. “I know it wasn’t the most conventional relationship, but it’s not like anything is really conventional anymore.” His voice was soft, and comforting. “If you were worried about me and Cas…” He paused. You glanced up at him. “We’ve talked a lot about it.” His words took you a bit by surprise. “We’re fine.” He shrugged and a chuckle arose from his chest.

“I’m glad I didn’t ruin your guys’ friendship.” You let out your own chuckle, trying to make light of your own fears.

“Y/N.” Dean paused, placing a finger under your chin, tilting your face up to look at him. “Being with you…” He paused, swallowing hard. “It’s the only thing that’s made all of this easier.” He gave a small shrug, and it was your turn to swallow the lump in your throat. You nodded in agreement. “I just want you to be happy.” His emerald eyes searched your face. “You make me happy, it doesn’t bother me that Cas makes you happy too.” His tongue flicked out across his lips.

“You both make me really happy.” You were still a little taken aback by how open Dean was about all of this. You had always pegged Dean as the jealous type. The more you thought about it, the more you realized he was the jealous type. Anytime any other men showed interest in you, his chest would puff up, and he would stare daggers through them, but it did seem different with Cas.

“Cas and I have been friends for a long time, we’ve been through a lot.” He let out another chuckle. “I mean a lot.” His lips turned up into a smile. “If it was anyone else I probably would have killed them.” You chuckled, but noticed he didn’t join you, he was serious. “I don’t know…I guess I just trust him. I know that he would never hurt you, and that somehow makes it okay.” He shrugged. “I can’t explain it.” He glanced back over towards the fire.

The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the logs burn. You felt safe in his arms, and your decision was made. You glanced toward Dean and leaned up. Placing your lips gently against his. He seemed a bit surprised, but quickly kissed you back. His hands ran up your spine as he laid back, pulling you over him. The blanket fell over the both of you. You shifted so that your knees were on either side of his hips, hands on his chest, and lips pressed firmly against his. His tongue traced the line of your bottom lip, begging for entrance. You let him in and swirl your tongue around his.

His hands shift to your hips, holding you firmly against him as he starts to rock up into you. A moan slips through your lips at the friction. His hands slip around, gripping your ass and pulling you tighter against him. The feel of his hardening cock in his jeans rubbing against you caused your wetness to grow. It had been too long for the both of you. You broke the kiss, lifting yourself to a sitting position. You pulled the t-shirt off of yourself, and watching his eyes rake over your form. His hands trailed up your sides to cup your breasts. You moaned at the feeling of his hot hands on your skin, rocking your hips against him as he fondled your chest.

“I need you Dean.” Your voice was low, dripping with desire. His hips bucked up into you in response. You both began to work on each others clothing, quickly tossing them aside. Your head spun at the feeling of his skin against yours. He pulled you back down in to a kiss. Dean’s arms wrapped around your back, turning you over so he was laying on top of you. Your legs spread, allowing him to rest between them, wrapping around his hips. He trailed kisses down your neck. You continued to rock your hips against him, feeling his hard shaft rubbing against your wet folds. He shifted his hips and rubbed the head of his cock against your clit.

“God you’re so wet.” His words were breathless against your skin. “I can’t wait any more.” He looked up, waiting for you to give him an answer. You nodded quickly and bucked your hips into him again. He let out a groan and reach down between the two of you. He lined himself up and pressed into you. The feeling of him stretching your walls, and filling you completely.

“Dean.” His name falls from your lips in a moan. He starts a rhythm, pulling out, and pushing back into you. Your hands grip his shoulders as he does. The coil in your stomach starting to heat and tighten. You know you aren’t going to last, and by the unsteady rhythm of his hips you know he won’t either. You wrap your legs tighter around him, pulling him as deeply in as you can. Your breathing is heavy as you pant out, trying to get air to your lungs.

“I wanna feel you cum.” His words are encouraging in your ear. You moan and arch into him. “Cum for me baby.” He places sloppy kisses along your neck, trying to keep a steady rhythm, but failing.

“Cum with me.” You purr in his ear and raise your hips to meet his thrusts. He grips your hips tightly with one hand, the other coming between the two of you to rub your clit. The added sensation taking over, you feel your legs spasm, your walls clench around him, and the coil in your gut break. You scream out, gripping tightly onto his shoulders. The feeling of your walls constricting around him takes him over the edge. He buries himself deep inside of you, head thrown back as he let’s go. His hips stutter against you as you cling to each other.

His head falls forward, resting against your chest. You wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him tightly against yourself. The two of you stayed in that position, him softening inside of you, and your muscles relaxing. He supports himself on his elbows as he starts to get up. You let your legs fall to the floor, feeling completely spent. He lays down beside you and steadies his breathing. You snuggle into his side, resting your head on his chest. One of his arms wraps around your back while the other supports his head.

The two of you laid in a comfortable silence, snuggled next to the fire. Listening to the crackle of the logs, and the storm still raging outside. You trace circles against his chest, and he does the same to your side. You both wore soft smiles. Everything seemed right. You placed a kiss against his chest, and let out a yawn.

“You want to move to the bed?” He asked glancing down at you.

“I’m right where I want to be.” You smiled and snuggled closer to his side, drifting off to sleep.


	8. AU ENDING!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In celebration of Croatoan day I decided to give you guys an AU ending to He Gave You the Stars, I’ll Give You the Moon. It was an idea I’ve been toying with for awhile, and I figured what better time than now! I hope you guys enjoy, and remember this is AU it will have nothing to do with the continuing story.

‘Two months.’ You thought to yourself, as you rolled to your side in bed. Looking at the empty space next to you made your heart sink. It had been two months since you had ended things with Cas and Dean. You barely saw them, which was a very planned and conscience action on your part. You knew that your resolve would weaken and you would end up right back where you were before if you saw them for more than a few moments. You restricted your interactions with the men to strictly professional. They would bring you in to debrief you on missions, and what would be needed of the med camp. If there was anything else you needed you would go through Chuck.

You hated putting your only friend in such a position, but he was understanding. He knew how bad the nightmares had been effecting you, and distancing yourself from Dean and Cas were the only thing that had stopped them. Well, at least the nightmares of the two attacking each other. Now your nights were filled with the usual end of the world terror. You would wake up in a cold sweat most nights, but these dreams were almost comforting in comparison to the alternative. Watching them attack, fight, and nearly kill each other was something you couldn’t handle any longer.

You knew that the dreams stemmed from your own worries of having to one day choose between them, and you didn’t think you could. That’s why you had to end it. You told yourself that it was better for everyone this way. Cas could go back to hosting his orgies, the thought of which still made you sick, and Dean could focus on his duties as camp leader, finding comfort in any number of different womens beds. You knew that you were bringing out a softer side of Dean, it was a side that you cherished, but you knew was only detrimental to the camp. Dean had to be cold, and distant, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to keep everyone in line, and safe. At least that’s what you told yourself.

The idea of getting up out of bed, and being a productive member of society was overwhelming. You wanted nothing more than to curl back up, and hide away in your bed until this was all over. You didn’t want to come out of your cabin until the world was back to normal. You knew that it would never go back to how it was, but maybe it could be better. You let your thoughts wander to your old life. You were going to school, and working part time after classes. You had your friends and family. The lump in your throat became suffocating as you choked back the tears. They were all gone. It had happened quickly, and you were lucky enough to survive. You mulled over that for a moment.

Were you really that lucky to still be alive? Wouldn’t it be easier to have died along with them? If you had then you wouldn’t be in the position you were now. You played with the idea for a bit, before pushing the thoughts back down. You couldn’t let yourself think like that, especially now that you felt so alone. The idea of ending it all had come to you many times since the Croatoan virus began to spread, but the hope that maybe someday the world would be okay again kept you clinging on. You had to have faith in miracles, and the will of man to survive, otherwise you would be lost.

The sound of someone stepping up onto the small wooden porch in front of your cabin snapped you out of your daze. You climbed out of bed and walked towards the door. There was no light coming from outside so you knew it had to be early. There was a loud knocking as you reached the door. Your heart rate quickened, it must be important, and important was never good around here. Pulling the door open quickly you saw Chuck standing in your doorway.

“We need you in the med cabin.” He seemed out of breath. He must have ran here.

“What’s going on?” You asked, pulling on your shoes and following him out into the night.

“The guys from the supply run got back early.” He was walking fast, and you struggled to keep up, still half asleep. “It’s bad.” He glanced over his shoulder at you. The lump in your throat grew as you swallowed hard. You tried to brace yourself, planning for the worst. You quickly ran the names of the men who were supposed to be on the supply run through your mind. Luckily neither Dean nor Cas were on the list.

“How bad is it?” You asked as the two of you neared the cabin.

“One man’s been shot, and a couple others are pretty banged up.” Chuck continued his hurried speed to the door, holding it open for you to enter. You saw James was already there and getting things under control. You surveyed the room and saw five men injured. It was going to be a long night. There were a few others there to help out. You moved quickly through the cabin and rinsed your hands, using some of the clean water you had stocked, and pulled on a pair of gloves. It always seemed kind of silly at this point, but James was insistent on it.

“I’ll take over here.” You spoke softly, but confidently. You gave a weak smile, and the girl nodded. She took her trembling hands off of the wound she was applying pressure to. “Go help the others.” You gave a nod towards the rest of the group. You could hear her swallow hard, she looked pale, and unsteady on her feet. “It’s gonna be okay.” Your tone was warm and she gave another nod before moving on to the next injured man. You peeled back the blood soaked rag to take a look at the wound on the man’s stomach. It was hard to tell exactly how deep it was through the blood.

“What happened?” You looked up at him, trying to keep him distracted while you worked.

“Elijah lost it and started to freak out.” His voice was shaky, but he kept his eyes glued on yours. You gave a nod, encouraging him to go on. You grabbed a bottle of water and soaked the end of a clean towel. You had to clean the wound a bit to see what you were dealing with. “He uh…” His eyes shut tight as he winced, feeling the towel rub against the torn flesh. “He started yelling, and he was gonna draw attention to us.” You knew where the story went from there. It wasn’t the first time you had seen this. It was an unfortunate reality of the new world. People would crack, and it would put everyone in danger, causing a panic until someone stepped up and either found a way to calm them down, or take them out.

The wound seemed pretty deep, but it wasn’t life threatening as long as it was taken care of properly. You were gonna have to clean it and sew him up. You grabbed the antiseptic and began to clean the wound. He let out a loud curse and slammed a fist on the arm of the chair he was sitting in. It was hard to ignore, but you had to keep going. When you finished cleaning the wound you began to sew it up. One of the others came over to assist you, placing a strap of leather in the mans mouth to bite down on and grit through the pain.

“Don’t move for a bit.” You warned the man as you tied the last not on the last stitch and cut the thread. You really were thankful that the med cabin was as well stocked as it was. It wasn’t easy, but it was well worth it. He gave a nod, letting a few tears from the pain flow freely. You gave a gentle squeeze to his shoulder before moving on to where you were needed next. You looked around the cabin, settling your eyes on James. He was working on Elijah, he must have been the one to get shot. James dug through a wound as Elijah cried out, the ping of the bullet dropping into a metal dish rang through the room.

————————

“We need to get these guys some pain meds.” James’ voice was weak, the late night emergency obviously wearing on him. You gave a nod and went to get the bottle. After the pills were administered you took a moment to take a deep breath. Letting your nerves settle. It had all gone pretty smoothly. It seemed like everyone was going to pull through and that was a major relief. The camp members who had come in to help were now busy cleaning up, as most of the injured lay silent. More than half of them now asleep from the shock and pain.

“How did it go?” You jumped at the feeling of breath against your ear. You knew the voice too well. You turned and looked up into emerald eyes. You swallowed hard, taking a few steps back. He was so close, too close. Your heart started to race and you could feel a heat rise to your cheeks.

“Good.” Your voice faltered and you looked to the ground. You couldn’t look him in the face. He had caught you off guard, and you weren’t prepared to be around him just yet.

“Alright, well we’ve moved some people around so that these men can stay in the cabin next door.” Dean’s voice was it’s usual cold tone, his posture stiff and intimidating. You gave a weak nod. “James is going to stay with them, so will a few of my guys, just to make sure everything is fine.” Dean motioned to the two men in the doorway with guns. You couldn’t speak, so you nodded again.

“I uh…I’ve got to go get cleaned up.” You looked down at your now blood stained clothing. Dean’s eyes ran down your form, a familiar spark lighting behind them, before he looked back to your face. You felt your cheeks redden. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from his, and it was starting to get to you. The want to reach out and pull to you was getting stronger. You stepped aside and quickly left the cabin without another word.

The chill of the night air was a welcomed distraction. You ran to your cabin and changed. You knew you had to get back to finish cleaning up and taking inventory of the used items that would need to be replaced. The look on Dean’s face stuck in your mind. You dressed and took a few moments to calm yourself. Dean would be gone by the time you got back, but you needed to steady your nerves.

——————-

You reentered the now empty cabin. There were still some supplies laid out, but most of the blood was gone. You knew that James must be over in the other cabin, getting the men settled in to heal. The smell of blood and antiseptic lingered in the air as you finished cleaning up, and grabbed the clipboard from the wall to log the used items. It seemed so quiet now compared to the noise from earlier.

You started to hum to yourself as you worked. It was a habit you had picked up to help keep you focused. It seemed to work most of the time, but your thoughts were much too scattered now. They filtered through all of the blood and torn flesh you had seen. From what you had gathered from everyone was that Elijah started to lose it and a fight broke out. Most of the injuries to the men were their own fault, or caused in the shuffle. You were just glad it was over with now.

The cabin fell silent again as you finished with the list. You took a moment, breathing deeply and clearing your head. The sun still hadn’t come up. You hated the fact that the sense of time was lost when the world fell. It was easier during daylight, since you could track the sun and at least estimate a time, but at night you never knew. In some ways it was freeing, watching a clock was something that had been second nature, but now you didn’t usually worry about it. It did make the nights seem so much longer when you were alone though.

You were lost in thought and didn’t hear the steps entering the cabin. Your back was to the door, and it all happened so fast. You heard a snarl and you whipped around to see Elijah staggering through the door. He had ripped off the bandage covering his bullet wound and was bleeding. You rushed to his aid. Helping to prop him up. You placed your hand over the wound, applying pressure, trying to stop the bleeding. His eyes were shut tight and he was breathing heavily. You led him over to one of the cots and helped him lay back. Your hand was dripping in his blood, and your heart was racing. You weren’t ready to deal with this again.

Grabbing a towel you started to clean up some of the blood, trying to see if you could re-stitch the wound. It looked like the stitches James had done had been torn out. The skin was ripped and angry. You didn’t think you would be able to fix it. You swallowed hard and looked up at him. He was panting and almost growling on the cot, but lying otherwise completely still. You turned quickly and made your way to grab the needle and thread, you had to at least try and fix it.

Your heart stopped as you felt hands on the sides of your head, squeezing against your ears. You tried to turn, but he fought you. His hands tightened and your throat clenched, the scream lost somewhere under the lump. You managed to get your head turned enough to look at him. Your eyes widened and you went cold. His eyes were black, all black. You tried to scream out again, but his wrists flicked, twisting your neck. Everything went black, as black as his eyes had been.

————-

The sound of a gunshot rang through the cabin. Your vision blurred as you stood up. You looked down, seeing Elijah now dead on the floor and one of the armed men sent to watch them in the doorway, gun still drawn. You couldn’t find your voice. You wanted to scream, and cry, but you felt oddly calm considering what had just happened. Your eyes flicked between Elijah, and the other man. How could you guys have missed the warning signs, if he had freaked out on the supply run, shouldn’t he have already turned? You saw Chuck walk into the cabin, passing the guard, neither acknowledging the other.

“What happened?” You asked, your voice feeling foreign and weak. Chuck looked at you, and you could see the sorrow written on his face. You took a few steps back. He looked different. He wasn’t covered in the layer of dirt that masked everything, he was wearing a white button up, and black slacks. Something else was different about him, but you couldn’t figure out what. He walked closer to you and placed his hand on your cheek.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was so clear, with all the muddled noises and the ringing in your ears, his voice rang through loud and clear. Your stomach dropped. You saw more people rush into the cabin. The man with the gun slumped to the floor, dropping the gun and burying his head in his hands. You heard someone yell out for Dean and Cas, but there voice sounded so far away even though they were standing only a few feet away.

“Chuck…” You looked back to him. He gave a weak half hearted smile and brushed some loose hair behind your ear.

“I’m sorry Y/N.” He repeated the apology. You were starting to get angry and panicked. You had no idea what was happening, and why he kept apologizing.

“For what?!” You demanded, a rage boiled through you, and you felt like you were going to puke all at the same time. You saw Cas rush into the room, followed closely by Dean. They both froze in their tracks. The looks on their faces were indescribable. Cas’ shoulders slumped and he looked like he was shaking. Dean turned and started to yell. You could see his mouth moving, but couldn’t make out the words. You quickly rushed over to them, but they didn’t seem to notice you.

Your heart sank for what felt like the millionth time, and you reached out to touch Cas. You tried placing your hand on his chest, but it just sank inside of him. Your heart stopped and you screamed. You watched a chill run through Cas and you backed away quickly, looking down at your hands. They didn’t look different, but you knew they were. It hit you hard when you realised what had happened. You sank to the floor and began to cry.

“Y/N.” Chuck’s voice was warm and soft. You looked up at him, tears streaming down your face. You knew what had happened, but you didn’t want it to be true. You couldn’t let it be true, you couldn’t admit it. Your mind raced as you watched people enter and leave the cabin. Cas now sat slumped in a chair near the door while Dean continued to yell. The look in Cas’ eyes hurt more than you could imagine. There was no life left in the bright blue orbs.

You looked to Dean who had started to punch a nearby wall. His shoulders shaking, you knew he was trying not to cry. If they were acting like this, then you knew it was true. Elijah had snapped your neck, and you knew that your body was laying on the floor somewhere behind you. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at it. You didn’t want to see yourself like that. You wanted nothing more than to reach out, take both Cas and Dean into your arms and tell them how sorry you were.

It hit you that you would never be able to apologize to them for what you put them through. Now they would be left to live out the rest of their lives thinking you had fallen out of love with them, that you didn’t care about them, and you couldn’t do anything to change that. The rage boiled inside of you again and you lashed out. Slamming your full weight against the cot Elijah had been on. It fell to the ground with a crash and you, along with everyone else in the cabin froze and stared at it.

“Cas…” Dean looked over to the man, now sitting up right in the chair. Cas gave a simple nod of his head, and Dean’s shoulders slumped. They must have known it was you. You knew that they were hunters before the Croatoan virus had spread, so they must have dealt with spirits a million times over. You rushed to them and tried to touch them again. Your hands moved through both of their shoulders and they shuttered. Dean’s hand came up and gripped the spot you had tried to touch.

“Why…why can’t I do it now?” You begged looking over to Chuck.

“It’s not that easy Y/N.” Chuck let out a sigh and took a seat. “You have to access a set of emotions that are dangerous, and that could cause some serious harm if you can’t control them.” He looked at both Cas and Dean. “They know you’re here.” He offered. You shook your head.

“That’s not good enough…” Your voice broke. “I need to tell them I’m sorry and I love them.” You started to cry again watching the Cas and Dean. You slumped back against the knocked over cot. Your body shook and tears flowed freely down your face.

“They know.” Chuck gave a small nod. “They’ve always known.” He shrugged. You looked over at him confused. “Y/N the feelings you had for them both were very strong, they shared those feelings, and never doubted how much you loved them.” Chuck let out a sigh.

“I…” You couldn’t think straight. It was comforting to hear, but you wanted to be able to tell them yourself. You sat back, and watched people move about the cabin, they started to drag out Elijah’s body. Your stomach churned as you watched Dean picking up your body. The odd sense of calm washed over you again. Cas walked towards Dean and helped him carry your body out of the cabin, then they were all gone. You were left alone with Chuck, and then it hit you.

“Why can you see me?” You turned and eyed him suspiciously. He let out a small laugh and laced his fingers over his chest.

“I know and see all.” His voice was still light with laughter. You let it sink in for a moment, but it seemed impossible. He looked into your face and just gave a simple nod of his head. “I know it’s hard to believe-”

“What the hell?!” You interrupted him, taking him by surprise. “If you’re God!?” You stopped for a moment, both shocked and angered. “How could you let any of this happen? How could you abandon us and let the world go to shit?!” The idea of yelling at God made you uneasy, but you were dead, what worse could happen.

“I gave humans free will.” He started to explain. “Once I gave them free will I could no longer step in…it wasn’t in the plan.” He gave a small sheepish shrug.

“The plan?!” The rage boiled in you again. “You’re fucking kidding me!” You let out a huff and took a deep breath. “Why even bother creating us then?” You looked him square in the eyes and a small smile played across his lips.

“You all were my most beautiful creations…I cannot explain to you why I did, but I can tell you that I am most proud of you humans.” He stood and walked towards you. “I know this is all a shock, and that you’re angry, but you have to let it go.” He brushed a hand over your cheek. It was tender and loving, like a father would to his child. Your eyes fell to the floor and you gave a small nod.

“If it helps at all I can tell you that in another version of this life…there’s an alternate ending where you are happy.” He sighed. “You get everything out of life that you want. There are a million different time lines, and unfortunately, this is how this one ends, but know that there are better ones out there. I am sorry that you have to do this, but this is the plan for you.” He opened his arms to you. You paused and swallowed hard. Something in you knew that if you walked into his arms and returned the hug that it would all be over. Really over.

You thought about it for a few moments and gave a small nod. There was no use in trying to stick around, what would you be able to do here now that you were dead? You would only cause more pain if you stuck around. You stepped forward and wrapped your arms around your friend. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head and engulfed you in the hug.

“I can’t believe my best friend was God.” You shook your head, crying against his chest. He let out a laugh, and everything went white. You could hear laughter fading into the distance as the white light took over all of your senses. You knew that it was over, and you had some peace in knowing that both Cas and Dean knew how you felt about them. You would miss them, but this version of you didn’t get to know what could have been. Maybe in another life you could have been happy.


	9. Part VIII

The events of the night before played through your mind as you sat in the med cabin. You were supposed to be doing inventory, but you couldn’t focus. Your stomach would flutter every time you thought about Dean’s skin on yours in front of the fire. You felt like a little school girl with a crush. Your bottom lip was sore from chewing on it, lost in thought, shirking your duties.

You could hear people outside of the cabin, everyone was pitching in and helping clean up the mess the storm had made. James was checking the building, making sure no major damage was done. He had asked you to make up a quick list of things for the men leaving for the supply run that afternoon to look out for. You were honestly amazed that the surrounding area hadn’t been stripped of all it’s resources at this point.

Letting out a sigh you looked down at the list in front of you. You had quickly jotted down the basics, like bandages, gauze, and antiseptics. It was just too hard for you to focus, and your thoughts would continue to wandering back to Dean. You felt better than you had in a long time, but there was a layer of guilt that tinged every thought. When you would think of the incredible night you had with Dean, you would also think of Cas. You felt like you had betrayed him. It was an odd feeling considering the situation, but you knew you needed to find him.

You set the pencil down on the clipboard and headed out of the cabin. Talking to Cas couldn’t wait any longer. The feeling of guilt in the pit of your stomach had to go away. Waking up in Dean’s arms had made you realize you had to be honest with yourself and with the boys. You had to stop hiding, and running. It was time to confront your feelings, fears, and desires head on. The thought made you feel ill, but you knew that it had to be done.

“I’ve got to go take care of something. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” You called out poking your head around the corner at James. He looked over towards you, gave a small nod, and got back to work. You felt bad, knowing he was going to be handling the clean up on his own for a bit, but you weren’t much use to the cause while lost in your own thoughts. You returned the smile and headed towards Cas’ cabin. You weren’t sure if he would be there, but that seemed like the best place to start.

You stepped up onto his porch and took a deep breath. You knocked on the wood frame entrance to the cabin. It was silent inside, you sighed and turned. Thinking where to look next. The camp was busier than normal. People were hauling away broken branches, checking for damage to the buildings, and trying to put the camp into some sort of order. The storm really had done a number on the camp. You chewed your lip as you thought, ignoring the slight sting from the flesh you’d worried away already.

Stepping back into the path you looked to your left, then your right, trying to decide where to go. You were too busy mapping out the camp, and where to look next in your mind to hear the steps coming up behind you.

“You look lost.” Cas’ voice slid across the back of your neck and to your ear. You jumped slightly, and the butterflies in your stomach flew into a frenzy. You could feel your cheeks heat up in a blush, and you could tell by the smirk on his face he had noticed as well. Shifting on your feet, and clearing your throat you brushed a hand through your hair.

“I was looking for you…” Your lips curled into a smile as his head tilted to the side slightly. “I wanted to talk.” The words were flowing easier than you had expected. He gave a simple nod and lead you into his cabin. You looked around, trying to notice any differences, but there were none. The room looked the same. Hell it felt the same. There really was a calming effect his cabin had on you. You chalked it up to marijuana smoke permeating every fiber of the room.

“What did you want to talk about?” Cas asked as he walked towards the bean bag and took a seat. You watched him sink into it, and flashes of all the times you had shared on the worn out blob of a chair flashed through your mind, causing you to smile.

“I uh.” You paused, unsure of how to start the conversation. Should you tell him about last night with Dean? The moment of clarity you had after the dream? How much you missed him? It was all starting to feel a little overwhelming, and you felt the familiar instinct to shut down and run away kick in. You cleared your throat and planted your feet firmly on the ground.

Cas watched you with a quirked brow, and the usual slight tilt of his head. A smile spread across your face again. There was always something about that look that drove you crazy. It was baffling to you how he could look so innocent, and hot at the same time. It was almost unsettling the effect he had on you with just a look. You swallowed your pride and decided to bare it all, you would say whatever you felt, and you would accept the repercussions, no matter what they may be.

“I miss you.” You felt a weight lift from your chest as the words left your lips. The smile on his face eased your nerves even more. He opened his mouth to speak, but you shook your head, you had more to say. “I’m terrified of the way I feel about you. I want to be with you again, but I…” Here was the tricky part. “I want Dean to.” Your words had softened to almost a whisper and you looked at the ground.

“I know.” Cas’ voice brought your attention back to him. “I thought I was pretty clear on where I stood on the issue.” His shoulders rose in a small shrug. “We both understand the arrangement, and we’re comfortable.” The reassuring words danced across your mind. “We want you, you want us, why complicate it anymore than that.” He let out a small chuckle. You gave a slight nod. You didn’t know why his words surprised you as much as they did. It wasn’t the first time he had said these things to you.

“I just…” You walked forward and took a seat next to him. “Don’t know how to make it work.” You spoke frankly. “How do I express my feelings for you two without hurting the other, or making one of you feel less…” You paused, you knew you wanted to be honest, but you couldn’t throw the L word out there just yet. “Cared for.” You finished. You knew it was silly. It wasn’t a mystery what you meant when you said you cared for them, but the thought of admitting to loving them was still a little too much to handle.

“That’s the problem.” Cas turned slightly so he was now facing you. He took your hands and cupped them in his. “You have to get over that fear.” The words felt harsh, but his soft tone smoothed their edges. “If you worry about being fair all the time then you’re not being honest.” He brought a hand to brush against your cheek. “It’s only human of you to sometimes favor one over the other. It doesn’t diminish your feelings for either of us, it’s just natural.” He gave a slight shrug.

“I can’t just not worry.” You rolled your eyes. You knew he was making sense, but it didn’t matter. Logic wasn’t exactly the driving force in you right now. “I don’t want to hurt either of you.” You looked at him and started to chew your lip again. His hand ran along your lip, pulling it gently from your lip. He had obviously noticed the raw skin. You blushed slightly and swallowed hard.

“We’re big boys.” He smiled. “We understand that this kind of situation is complicated.” His shoulders rose in a slight shrug. “As long as we’re always open and honest, then that’s the best we can do. We might get hurt, but that’s the point of being human...sometimes it hurts, but without that pain, then how can we know true happiness.” He brought one of your hands up to his lips and kissed your palm.

“You smoke too much weed.” You teased, causing him to shake his head and laugh. No matter how much you joked, you knew that he was right. He made it all seem so simple. You had a hard time believing it was that easy, but maybe it was. You hadn’t really gone into it as open minded and worry free last time, and that was what killed it. The fear of hurting them had ruined everything. Cas’ eyes traced your face as you thought. You watched as he looked from your eyes to your lips to your jaw.

You leaned forward and placed your lips on his. He reacted quickly, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you close. The way you fit into his arms was perfect. Your hands traveled his chest and made quick work of his shirt. Breaking the kiss for only a moment you tossed his shirt aside. The feeling so familiar. His hand ran along your sides and pushed you back slightly as he stood. You watched in confusion as he turned and started to walk away. It took you a moment to realize he was heading towards his bed. You watched his hands push the waistband of his jeans down over his hips as he walked, stepping effortlessly out of the denim as he disappeared behind the beads.

You stumbled to your feet and stripped yourself of your own clothing, admittedly much clumsier than Cas had. You pushed past the beads and watched Cas sit back on the mattress. You quickly walked towards the bed and crawled up to him. Your palms and knees pressing into the bed as you positioned yourself over him. He lifted his head, capturing your lips in a kiss. He pressed hungerly into you. His chest flush against yours, and hands gripping your ass, pulling you down into him. You moaned into the kiss and slid a hand down to his length. He was already hard as you started pumping him slowly.

His hips rose to meet your motions, and he breathed heavily against your neck as you nipped and kissed his shoulder. You could feel your own arousal growing, practically dripping onto his leg below you. Your hips started to rock in time with your hand, grinding yourself into his thigh. He gripped your hips, with firm, but gentle hands and kissed along your neck to your ear. Through the groans and heavy breathing it sounded like he was muttering in your ear. You recognized the language from the other times you had been intimate. You always thought to ask what it was, but always forgot.

You stopped stroking him and smiled slightly at the wine he gave, before positioning your center over him. You pushed yourself up, bracing your weight with palms on his chest and watched his face as you slowly lowered yourself onto him. The feeling of him inside of you at just the right angle making your head tip back and chest rise forward. His hands slid from your hips to your breasts. He ran his thumbs over your hardened nipples and gave a light pinch before smoothing his palm over the surface. You rolled your head forward and started to move on top of him.

His grip on your chest tightened as his eyes closed tightly. The way your clit rubbed against him as you rode him slowly sent shivers through every nerve in your body. Soft moans fell steadily from your lips. Trying to go slow was torture, you kept the steady pace for as long as you thought you could handle it. You looked down at Cas, raking your nails gently over his chest, a small smirk playing across your lips as you lifted yourself up, almost completely off of his hard shaft, before slamming back down. The switch ripped a moan from his throat as his head pressed back into the pillow. You continued to bounce up and down on his cock. The new angle helping you reach your own climax.

By the grip of his hands clumsily moving from your hips to your ass, and back again made it clear he wouldn’t be far behind you. You leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips, using the muscles in your thighs to lift yourself up and come back down onto him fast, and hard. His hands came up to wrap under your shoulders and hold you close as he thrust up into you just as fast and hard. You bit down on his shoulder, stifling a loud moan as you felt yourself lose control. Your muscles spasmed around him as he continued to pound up into you. He buried his face in your chest, moaning out as he slammed into you one more time. The feeling of him pulsing inside of you making your heart flutter.

The sound of knocking on the frame snapped you both out of the post coital bliss. You jumped up and quickly wrapped yourself in the sheet. He chuckled slightly and grabbed the blanket off of the bed, wrapping it around his waist and heading to get the door. You stayed in the room, trying not to laugh to yourself, you weren’t sure why it was so funny, but you felt light hearted, and dare you say truly happy? It seemed like things were going to work out this time. You were going to figure out how to make this work with both Dean, and Cas. You laid back on Cas’ bed and smiled up at the ceiling, letting your thoughts drift, for once entertaining ideas full of joy, and love, and potential.

 


End file.
